Hi! Not sure if this is the best sub, but considering that it may end up with me leaving my job it sort of counts? I guess it's trying to find help for accommodations, options, or suggestions. If this isn't the right place, feel free to remove.
I've been working at a non-profit in another state with an hour and a half (or longer if traffic is bad) commute since 2015. I've always hated driving and even hate being a passenger. Up until 2019 I was commuting with my husband, then he left for another better paying job closer to home, mostly because he was on the edge of being forced out because the company went through a merger. The better pay with less than a third of the commute time was just an extra bonus for him. I did the commute on my own for almost a year before my office went remote. Right before we went remote, I was working myself up to quit at the end of the fiscal year because the commute was taking a huge toll on me. Anxiety attacks all the way down and all the way home. About 3+ hours a day crying and hyperventilating. It never got easier, some days were just slightly better than others. Plus I was having issues the mental/emotional toll of the job.
I figured, okay, remote work means taking the commute out of the equation and I didn't feel right leaving them high and dry when my biggest hurdle was removed and we were struggling going remote.
They (mostly the CEO) are pushing hard for everyone to return to the office now. I know my boss would fight for me to stay remote or at least hybrid since my role as an admin assistant can be done almost completely remote and she knows I struggle with the commute. But, even with one or two days in a week, or even one or two days a month, the idea of the commute horrifies me. I've been in 2 car accidents doing this commute. Both relatively minor, both the other person was at fault, but with the anxiety I had driving before… it only got worse and worse afterwards.
Our home situation has changed. We have ferrets with health issues that have gotten worse over the last 2 years and really should have constant supervision. We got a dog a year ago and our plans for dog daycare are out the window. Family isn't going to work out anymore… All the remaining options of actual daycares are expensive, have waitlists, are well out of the way, or some combination of the above.
We're finally out of the worst of our debt after the cost of the commute has been cut down significantly since I started working remotely. Nearly half of my paycheck was going towards commute between gas, tolls, and significant amounts of maintenance on the car because of the commute. I've been able to stash away a bit in savings to cover a few months of bills or a couple small emergencies, so we'd at least have a buffer financially if things go sideways at all. Maybe picking up odd remote gigs, finding another remote job, or actually selling my art which is what I've always wanted to do.
So now that this back to office push is going extra hard, I'm trying to prep myself to have a conversation with my boss.
1.The commute, both emotionally and financially, are really hard to swallow.
2. Our ferrets can't easily be taken care of by someone else and our options for doggy daycare fell through and we're struggling to find alternatives.
3. I had been planning on leaving 2 years ago, but because we went remote I stuck with it.
My department has been a mess over this last year between people quitting or getting fired and people going on medical leave or maternity leave, and now we're in the middle of our fiscal year-end. So I havent ever really been able to find a time to talk to her about this, but going back to the office is going to happen within the next couple of weeks. She may need me back next week.
My husband thinks there might be a possibility of going to a doctor and getting some sort of documentation saying I'm not fit to drive long distances because of my anxiety, especially given I already have several mental health diagnoses. He thinks this would give my boss leverage to keep me completely remote under the idea of disability/allowing reasonable accommodations. Anyone have any idea if this is even a thing? My googling skills aren't coming up with much.
The alternative is quitting. Working remote as much as I can and suffering through a few awful commutes to get them as prepped as I can for me being gone. I don't have anything else lined up and would end up playing “house spouse” for the foreseeable future unless our financial situation changed, so as far as notice goes I'd be fairly open to staying on as long as needed/as I was capable.
I just feel terrible giving this sort of ultimatum because my boss has always been good to me. I've gotten 3 raises this past year (1 from her and 2 agency wide) which overall ended up being about $3.60 more an hour. Benefits aren't great, but aren't terrible either. Boss is super accommodating. If it wasn't for the commute, I'd hang in until she retired.
I'm just at a loss and have been putting this conversation off for… years at this point… but I'm at a point where I can't keep ignoring it. Is the driving accommodation actually a thing? Should I just quit and pursue what I've always wanted to do? Any tips for how I should approach this?
Thanks for any advice!