I don't post to Reddit a lot, mostly I just comment and lurk, but I just need to vent.
I've been struggling with something between depression and bipolar disorder for most of my life now (not self-diagnosing, I've been to several psychiatric hospitals and different doctors have told me different things), to the point where it's been hard for me to keep jobs at times. Two years ago, almost to the day, a close friend of mine died, and I've been in a massive funk since. I left a job at a group home I'd held for 6 years, went through a period of incredible mental instability, ended up in another hospital, and eventually moved from my home state to Fort Hood TX to live with my cousin's family on a military base rent-free, because of being unable to continue to pay rent where I was, and feeling incredibly distressed and needing a break.
I'm grateful to my cousin for the opportunity to leave, but I'm just finding myself getting into another hole again. Getting a job here was difficult, but I was finally able to get a phone survey job with Dynata, a political market research organization, only to discover that some the surveys I'm giving are incredibly biased, and I strongly suspect they are just being used to push someone's political agendas. We're basically outsourced to give the surveys by nameless third-party companies, so it would make sense that this is happening, if Dynata is only in it to make money.
The situation I find myself in now is, I'm broke, no car, no mental healthcare, deep medical debt, and though I know I need to keep working to pay that off, I'm finding what I'm doing to be morally wrong, and I'm considering resigning tonight. I'm privileged to have a safety net right now, but I'm feeling like a leech, and I feel bad for wanting out, after it took me so long to get into this job. I'm starting to consider selling everything and choosing homelessness, because I'm so deep in medical debt that it feels unescapable, and that path feels inevitable for me.
I think I'm still a ways off from actually choosing to be homeless, but the fact of the matter is, I'm in deep distress. I feel like there's no way out. I'm tired of working, I've been working my whole life up to now, and I feel like I have nothing to show for it. I just want to feel mentally stable again, and be working a job that was meaningful to me on some level, like how working in group home settings felt when I did that.
This post might just be a bunch of rambling, I've mostly just been asleep today, I apologize if it is. I just wish things could be different in this country, cause I'm in dire straits with my medical bills, and inflation is making everything a million times worse. I just needed to vent about it for a minute.