I should preface by saying that I have very very shitty mental health and was literally pressured into getting a job by family and support systems. I have autism, severe adhd, anxiety and bipolar disorder. I recently got back on adhd meds.
My parents also passed away when I was young. Dad in late 2009 (I was 10) mom in early 2012 (Literally two weeks before I turned 13)
Sooo I had two jobs. HAD. One was in 2019 and the other was in late 2020. I was fired from my 2020 job after two weeks. I hate it so I didn’t care. Pay was decent but it really wasn’t worth the mental strain of waking up early and taking two busses to be there before 7 am, totaling two hours. I’d leave at 4 work from 7-3:30 and be home by 5:30. My 2019 job was also far, but took only one bus and was in a kitchen. It was good at first, but I got very overstimulated, very quickly with all the noise and smells.
My other job was at an alcohol shipping plant repackaging damaged products. I hated it. It was smelly, sticky, loud af, and the shoes I had to wear fucked my ankles up even more. The pay wasn’t worth the mental strain.
Both jobs were gotten from job assisting programs. I felt like I was obligated to get a job and I was desperate to make my family and support systems proud that I have a job. I didn’t want a job. I knew that I didn’t have the mental capacity for one! Hell, I was in a very dark place mentally because I felt like a failure for not having a job.
And it doesn’t help that those programs were like “we could’ve helped other people” THEN WHY DIDN’T YOU?? People ignored when I said “I’m not capable of a job due to mental health issues”
I know other people have it worse than me and I sound like a Karen venting about this.
My mental health spiraled downward very quickly in 2021 due to unrelated issues (mainly through grief and constant invalidation of my mental health)
I’m starting to think my mental health may be too fragile for a job… just thinking about having one freaks me out.
Is this selfish of me to think that I am in no way mentally or emotionally capable for a job?
And before anyone asks, yes I’m in therapy… provided by a mental hospital after having a mental health crisis in September of 2021. I’ll answer as many questions as I can.