My teenage offspring (f16yo) with special needs wanted to try having a summer job for the first time, aimed at having just a few hours / week, in order to have some spending money. She ended up getting hired for a nearly full-time job with brutal hours in a grocery store bakery — my fault for not paying enough attention to her interview prep and making sure she had a list of questions to ask about scheduling and tasks. Thrown into the deep end, she cried every afternoon in the workplace for the first five days and was quickly exhausted to the point of struggling to get out of bed. At that point, her dad went in with her to help advocate (knows the store owner) and see if they could reduce her hours and/or tasks. She hasn’t worked since, waiting for a communication. She feels badly that she couldn’t hack it, but is also relieved and now wants to put off having a summer job until next year. We have her on the wait list to get her needs assessed so she can access an employment training program and supports, to help her with learning to self-advocate as well as ensure wherever she applies to work won’t overload her, and access counselling to help her with her specific challenges. We’re also going to look at some anti-anxiety meds to help herself learn / improve coping skills. (Her future goal is to be a designer with her own small business.)
In the meantime, she and I get a text from my retired boomer parents (with whom I am LC) that really bothers me: that they’re really proud of her for wanting to work. It feels like such a loaded statement. They’re the type to complain about nobody wanting to work anymore. Last year, their favourite small independent restaurant was struggling to find employees, and they chalked it up to people preferring government handouts, rather than considering whether the owner was going to pay enough or offering to help for a bit by waiting tables themselves. So when they said they’re proud of my teen daughter for wanting to work, I see it as further proof of them thinking (generally) that teens today are lazy and have bad work ethic. I’m really fucking annoyed.
When we communicated with them her troubles, the tone I got was both unhappiness on her/our behalf, and disapproval. Their mentality has typically been that people should toughen up. They’ve never truly understood her challenges.
I guess what it might boil down to is that their definition or understanding of “wanting to work” is very different from mine. I am frustrated and pissed off.
Thank you for listening.
Edit: should have said, mild special needs — from the outside, she looks and acts like a “normal” kid, and we do try to treat her as such while also keeping in mind that she’s different and has certain cognitive limitations.