I was hired in May as a bank teller after graduating from a 7-month Administrative course that I took while I was on Unemployment Benefits after losing my job due to the pandemic. I had no experience with financial services or working in a bank and I made my manager aware of that in my interview, along with the fact that I hadn't been working in 8 months. When she asked me why I wasn't working during taking this course, I also explained that I decided to just focus on my studies & taking care of my mom who was going through chemo for stage 3 cancer.
In the beginning, I was loving it. There is so much to learn in banking & having not worked in quite awhile (I suffer from anxiety) I felt a little overwhelmed at times, but nothing crazy. My co-workers are amazing, helpful, and overall great people. But my training had lacked a little direction because my manager was in the process of hiring herself an assistant manager at the time I started, so I didn't have that one-on-one with an assistant like a colleague of mine who was hired 3 months before me did. Because of this, there were targets and expectations I wasn't meeting, but in my defense, no one had ever explained this to me or even shown me how to do it. When my manager and new AM sat down and spoke to me about how I wasn't making these numbers happen, I was actually quite shocked because they were asking me why I hadn't been producing and coming down pretty hard on me. When I told them I just simply was never taught, they looked at me like I was crazy. I am now meeting and exceeding these targets, but that's because I now know what my expectations are.
So that was my first hurdle. I can take feedback from my superiors but what I can't take is being treated like I'm dumb when I feel like I wasn't trained properly, on top of having no experience in banking. My manager, AM, and myself seemed to get along quite well at first but I feel like it's just gone downhill from there. At times I feel like I'm being micro-managed and I'm going to be honest – yes I have made mistakes, but very minor ones. Then made to feel like I'm not allowed to whatsoever. It's really making me feel defeated at work… And I really thought I was doing pretty well, especially when all my co-workers were telling me I was too.
Fast forward to today, it was a rough one. I know bringing “home stuff” to work is a big no-no, but I was feeling heavy with emotion and anxiety today because my mom goes into surgery in less than a week. It's a pretty serious procedure and I'm scared shitless, so is my mom – and I'm just tired of seeing her suffer. I went in for my shift today, early as always, and decided to have a short chat with my AM apologizing for some of my mistakes but just letting her know I was going to get my head on straighter, but today was going to be a tough one for me. Surprisingly, she was very compassionate hugging me and offering me to take the day off to relax my mental, which I did decline to because I felt I could pull myself together enough. However when I went over to my desk to prepare myself for the day, she came back over to me and told me we should go speak to my manager together as well. … Well, when we entered her office, it was a whole different ballgame – felt like I was being interrogated by good cop, bad cop. My manager basically made me feel threatened about my job and the fact that I'm still on probation, highlighting the few minor mistakes I've made since I started and telling me I had “lack of focus.” Quote on quote, she said “everyone has problems here, we're just strong and don't show it.” – that made me want to just break down, but I didn't, I just sat there stunned ultimately… It was very dehumanizing. There are a few other things she said that I just thought were downright unacceptable. At the end of the conversation, her and the AM asked me if I wanted to take the rest of the week off in which I said no. But they asked me multiple times and at one point my manager asked if I just wanted the rest of the month off. I feel like they were really cornering me into it but I just wouldn't give in. My mom's going to be in the hospital for 10 days after her surgery and they may not even allow visitors till the 5th day, so I need to be working and occupying my mind, plus I can't afford to just take unpaid days off like that. My manager even brought up the fact that I could resign if this was all “too much” for me right now. I feel so angry and hurt about the whole thing honestly – there's no other words to describe it 🙁
Reddit, I just want some advice on this whole situation. I've never been in this position before and I feel so small and filled with anxiety about just going into work tomorrow now. I really like my job and enjoy what I do. I wholeheartedly believe I am doing good because I know I'm giving it my best but when management is constantly jumping down my throat and now treating me like this when I'm only 2 months in?! I just don't know if I'm overreacting… I know I have been pretty sensitive lately 🙁 In my opinion, I feel like my manager wouldn't be bothered if I quit – kind of believe that's what she's hoping for at this point. That or canning me after my probation… But I just don't see what the reasoning would be. The situation is so unfortunate.
TIA