My first job was at the summer camp I attended as a child. Unfortunately I worked there for 3 years and the work culture was really toxic. It was just sort of understood that we would work ourselves into exhaustion. Like I once went two weeks without a shower because we didn't have enough staff and if I left my cabin alone for five minutes they'd start crying. A few years before that a buddy of mine got TRENCH FOOT on the job. It was also a running joke that we'd hate eachother by the end of the summer (it wasn't actually a joke). We worked 24 hours a day 5 days a week and got around 6-8 hours off. If you asked for more time off everybody else would talk shit about you. These people held grudges too; my first year there was a volunteer who kinda half assed it and it took 2 years on staff for people to start to forgive him. There was one girl who wouldn't take breaks unless someone (usually me) forced her to, and she was lauded as a hero. She was like 14 and I didn't think too much of it then because I was only a few years older, but looking back I'm absolutely disgusted.
It's been 2 years since I last worked there but it still influences my work ethic and self esteem. I work at a different camp now and the culture is way better and I don't know how to handle it. Like we get at least an hour off every day and if you're having a rough day and need extra time senior staff will try to get someone to cover you, and like nobody's mean about it. That absolutely melts my brain. I also can't really process the fact that nobody seems to talk shit about eachother. I keep waiting for my coworkers to get vicious but it hasn't happened yet. But when I think about taking extra time off or telling someone that I'm struggling I hear my old coworkers voices playing in my head and I can't do it. Or like I know that it wasn't right for that girl to work so long and hard, but that's still the standard I try to measure up to and I feel really shitty when I can't do it. Idk any advice on how to unlearn all this?