I am an Advanced Care Paramedic and am extremely proud of my career. I have personally been invited into your lives for so many sacred and scary moments and I thank you immensely for that honour.
This is the hardest decision I have ever had to make. I write this after lying awake for hours on end, anxious and crying. How many nights I’ve done this over the past few years I can’t count. We are so overworked, understaffed, under appreciated in a system that has been broken prior to me even joining its ranks. I bring a fully stocked Emergency Room to every scene, I can cardiovert, intubate, perform cricothyroromies and needle decompressions, yet I still am known an ‘Ambulance Driver’. I laugh at this as I know my worth but what I can’t get over is how the system values it’s Paramedics. It doesn’t. We are meat in the seat and treated as such by employers.
The last few years have really started to take a toll, I’ve reached an inflection point and something has to give. I am fortunate to have realized this before it was too late. Many of my friends and colleagues haven’t been so fortunate. I have been pouring myself into a career that is no longer filling me up. Don’t get me wrong, I still absolutely love the job, I love taking care of people in their time of need, but unfortunately, if we don’t take care of ourselves, there comes a point where we can’t take care of others. I feel as if I care to much, I can’t carry the weight any longer. I’m tired, I’m exhausted, I feel too emotionally invested in providing the best possible care while completely neglecting any form of self care. I’m wide awake 4 hours after going to bed, sedatives on board to numb the constant pain and self critiquing we all tend to do in this field. All I want to do is help people, but I think it’s time I stop and try to learn how to help myself. I feel like I’ve let my team down, let my patients down, let my family down. I know this isn’t the case but fuck does it hurt.
People, take care of your colleagues, take care of your patients, treat them like you would want your family to be treated, but most importantly take care of yourselves. Stop sacrificing your mental and physical health for your employer. Start taking action to do what fills you up, otherwise one day you will be left holding a broken cup with nothing inside..
Thanks for the vent. Sometimes just writing shit out can help.