TW: Depression/Suicide
Hi, I don’t post much on Reddit but I am not sure really where else to turn. I have been working for this job for about a month and a half now. The job is fine—good, even, by job standards—and the pay is very good for someone fresh out of college working in the mental health field. Benefits are nice and coworkers are friendly, too. By all intents and purposes, I should be thrilled at such an opportunity.
The problem is…ever since I started this job, to nearly the day, I’ve been in a depression spiral. Not “my job bums me out” no, I have been suicidal for a good chunk of this time. I feel all I do is work, come home, cry, and sleep. I only find some solace on the weekends, and every Sunday night ends in me in crisis and tears. I haven’t been this depressed in quite a while.
The last job I worked (about a year ago, spent time finishing my degree after) ended with me feeling the same. I slowly devolved in mental state til I could hardly get out of bed. I finally left the job after a mentally exhausting period—only after crashing my car and losing my means of getting there.
I fear this may be my fate. I have struggled with depression and anxiety most of my life (which apparently does not really coexist with working for me). I fear I am doomed to never be able to exist in our society. I don’t have savings to live off of. All I want is to be able to travel, and the only reason I am working is to save money to do so. But working full time is sacrificing my mental health to the point idk how long I can last. It’s made me a worse partner and person. I need advice. Please.
Do I just carry on? Do I quit and move to a part time job so I feel I have a life outside of working? Is there any other way?