I'm writing this today to motivate myself for the next steps. It's been 4 weeks since my last workday, and today is the first day I feel just comfortable enough to get myself “out there” to get a new job. (My job was closed for 3 weeks for vacation since July 16th, paid, as I'm living in Germany, and now I'm on sick leave.)
But let's start at the beginning.
I'm a doctor's assistant with some pretty good qualifications as I like my work and always love to learn new things, so over the years I learned a lot.
At my first job things went well until they didn't, and it went down the way it always does. Hard and efficient work only gets you more work until you can't cope anymore.
This is the very short version of my first burnout. It's a story for another time, if ever. Worked there for more than 10 years, so yeah…
Got another job, worked there for 2 years, always understaffed, overworked – so I got on sick leave when my body reacted to all that stress, and was terminated for that (short version, all went according to laws, no harm done, we still get health insurance and so on here.)
After recovering and getting treatment for a while, I wanted to at least work part time, as I still like what I do as a DA and it helps me to regulate my days. And, well, more money, duh.
This is where I got the job I intend to “quit” right now.
I started at the end of April last year, small practice, only 1 ophthalmologist (my boss). 4 employees, one who's been there for years, one who just finished their apprenticeship there, me, and another new colleague. (Me and the other newbie don't work full-time, we're kind of sharing the full-time position that was left before us.)
Workload was fine, I'm a fast learner, and coming from working full-time in a high-demanding job in a much bigger orthopedic surgery – this really seemed to be chill!
Well, it was a rocky start for me and the other newbie, as our other two “senior” coworkers had made some bad experiences with the people that worked there before us and projected many things on us, but we worked that out as I'm pretty open about things and got them to admit their problem and get on with it. This at least was a problem I could solve on my end.
It was small things at first, sometimes weird things, but now I got a whole list of things, sometimes even ridiculous stuff that happened/ were demanded.
Most bosses are ridiculous in some way, most people are, and most times you can work with that.
Maybe it's because I work part-time, so I don't get to see it all, so it took a while to see how abusive my boss was towards my colleagues. I have plenty experience of dealing with bullies in the past, so it's hard for anyone to bully me now, and I always make a point to try to teach people how to stand up for themselves. Not to my boss's liking, but she can't do anything about it, because you know what? No one likes to work anymore!!! We don't even get applications… I wonder why. x)
Also, I'm a good worker and I guess the others would likely quit, after that.
Well, things got better for a brief period, then escalated. The one who finished their apprenticeship with my boss and was the only real full-time employee (everyone's hours are different) put in their notice for a better opportunity. I was so happy for them! (Yeah, and I told them that. We've also spoken many times beforehand that they really shouldn't put up with all that shit, getting belittled in front of patients, only getting permission for personal vacation with severe repercussions because guess what, my boss has planned out our complete PTO for the year already – that's not even legal and so on.)
Note that I only still worked there because I was taking it slow with my own application process, as I'm not always in a state of mind to do that. Still have to deal with stuff from my first burnout, and all this chaos isn't really beneficial. I tend to hardly eat at all when stressed, and this has a whole lot of other consequences…
Well, as you can guess, things went downhill pretty fast. We were just “okay”-staffed with four people, max 3 present in the mornings and 2 in the afternoons. Don't you dare to get sick!
But just 3 of us with one only working almost full-time, me working 25hrs, and the other one 10?
Solution: Working OT and compensate all the time. Why reduce the workload? We need profit! (There are sooo many ways to get employees or even help fast, but none of them were even considered as they cost money.)
And because no body wants to work, yadda yadda, it took us 3 months to get someone, and we were even lucky to get someone with experience!
What happened then is something I still can't wrap my head around, and is the reason I don't even have compassion for my coworkers now. Maybe it's because they are both older (50/60 years?) and too brainwashed to see it.
The new coworker had the absolute audacity to get sick after their first or second week with us!Unacceptable! (/s)
…when I read my other coworkers responses in our group chat I couldn't believe it.
Sick coworker had messaged that they were sick, even told their symptoms (I know, I told them later they never should) and believe me, she was just flat out sick, whole package, maybe even got the (real) flu.
First responses were just accusations.
That they had to know that coworker A had an “emergency appointment” for that day (bullshit in itself) and coworker B just responded with “did you take a test, haven't you been to the doctor” (Covid came out negative, and no, they weren't even capable of going to the doctor's).
I didn't even know what to say. It didn't get better at work, crazy accusations from my boss and colleagues up to a point where I just asked what's wrong with them? (Especially one of them should have known better as they were sick themselves in their probationary period and felt really uncomfortable then.)
Didn't get an answer, but didn't have to listen to any more bullshit for a time.
This was when I decided to quit, no matter what.
Wanted to do it right then and there, but our 3 week vacation (whole place shuts down on that time) was right on the corner. The 15th of July would be a perfect day, as I have a notice period of 4 weeks to the 15th or the end of a month. And as my boss tends to not communicate major changes this would get a disaster.
After thinking it through though, I decided to take and hopefully enjoy my vacation and go on sick leave after that, as I really do not have any compassion for my coworkers anymore. They did it upon themselves.
I wrote my sick new colleague privately, and we chatted a bit, and then they told me about what my boss wrote them. It was even worse…
Something to the extent of how disappointed they are, especially at a time like that when we have to meet our numbers (they wouldn't have changed no matter if we had more or less personell, because that's up to my boss, not us, we can't treat more patients that they do), and that they themselves came in sick last week (wow, such heroism, not even thinking about being the one responsible for the infection in the first place?), and why the sick leave is for 5 days and not only for 2??? All the while even addressing them with the wrong first name.
Total BS. Told my new coworker that much.
Guess the only reason they came back after their sick leave was me talking to them. But then, on their second work day, their Covid test (we have to take them at work regularly) came out positive. The audacity again!!! (/s)
Drama ensued, as I was the only “test witness”, and the PCR took so long, and… Yeah, well.
New coworker came to work after testing negative at the 15th of July to make sure I didn't have to work alone, and put in their resignation at the end of the day! And as we were to start our vacation, they didn't even have to work a notice period. 🙂
So a notice was given, anyway!
As for me, I'm really glad I took some time. I almost slept the whole first two weeks, went on a short trip in week 3 and now I'm on sick leave, slowly setting my priorities straight. And yeah, my boss or even my coworkers still don't know that I do not intend to come back from sick leave, like, ever. Thankfully my psychiatrist is on the same side.
Another cherry on top?
They are looking for a part-time worker although we really need someone full-time again. More like one full-time, one part-time. I guess we cope to well.
Not anymore.
Getting to some household work now and finally start my applications. I want out.
TLDR: Last straw was my boss and my colleagues driving away a perfectly fine new colleague we desperately needed for being sick for one week, so I decided to go on my planned 3 weeks vacation and am on sick leave now. They don't know I don't intend to go back there ever again.
Edit: Typos…