About three months ago my job announced they were giving out retention bonuses to certain high value, difficult to replace employees. My coworker and I weren’t supposed to know we were both offered it but we were told at the same time and had already discussed it before we saw the actual letter stating not to tell everyone since eligibility was determined on a case by case basis. We work in a four person department and us two do the majority of the important work so it’s easy to tell who was offered it and who wasn’t. It’s $3500 total paid out in 4 installments, once every 3 months beginning in September. This works out to a slightly more than a dollar per hour raise (based on how many hours we work in a typical week) but with heavy strings attached to it.
I don’t like it due to tax complications, the fact that I won’t actually receive like 30% of that money due to taxes, and the strings attached. The fine print of the letter states that if you quit or are terminated before 12/31/22 you must repay everything received in addition to any legal fees required to recoup the money. Also, just a few paragraphs after thanking us for our work, expressing appreciation for us, and acknowledging our relatively low wages compared to company profit and other job opportunities, they go on to restate that we are at will employees who can be terminated at any time due to any reason.
I don’t want it because I want a raise instead. My other coworkers are very likely or confirmed to be making more than me. I’ve been here longer than any of them, I lead on the majority of jobs we do. It’s known that I’m unofficially second in charge. Many of our biggest jobs are jobs that no one else can do and would require much time and training to learn, but no one other than me would be capable of training someone. I’ve kinda guarded that knowledge for leverage purposes. Frankly, no one is as irreplaceable as me. I’m also just about literally the only person in any department in my company capable of handling my tasks within the time they’re supposed to be completed. As long as it can be done, I get everything done when I’m supposed to. There has never been a situation where someone had to pick up after me. Our work is time sensitive so many of these customers likely wouldn’t tolerate a delay in work. In other words, me leaving would likely cost them hundreds of thousands, if not more, in future revenue for the next year alone. Frankly, the strings attached and method of payment feels like a slap in the face.
My plan was to just sit on it and see if they gave me the bonus without me signing off on the terms. My boss just texted to ask me to sign it by Monday so that’s out the window and unfortunately means I’ll have to have this discussion on Monday. We’ve been having friction lately so things are tense even if they’re friendly on the surface. There is 0 chance I stay with this company past December. I’m planning to quit to return to school but will quit for literally anything else if that falls through. My latest end date of employment is set in stone. I want to stick it out for a few more months because admittedly it will be hard to find something else that pays as much or more than I’m currently earning, even if I am currently unhappy with my pay. All of this may not matter since there’s a good chance an argument boils over and I quit or get fired this week (my boss has been editing my punch cards for the past couple weeks to reduce my hours and I won’t tolerate it this week since I legitimately worked the 62 hours I put down).
How can I approach this conversation in a way that gets what I want (hopefully) without starting something that gets me fired?