It’s my last day at work tomorrow.
I was being ostracized and manipulated by management for being a little too vocal about patient safety and ethical issues. My own supervisor didn’t even look me in the eye or say hi to me for the last month or two. I stood up for patients and myself and that didn’t sit well with them. It’s all about money, even though we are a “non profit.” It makes me want to throw up – I’ve seen the public tax records and their PPP loans, which were forgiven of course.
I quit two weeks ago because I just couldn’t take it anymore. I can’t put up with all the shady shit, and the lack of concern for patient welfare, and caseloads just going up and up and up. The morning I quit, I found out that my managers were planning for my exit, including spreading rumors that I was quitting and asking other staff members if they wanted my job. I had been completely transparent with management up to that point about everything, including my mental health issues (probably shouldn’t have said a word but can’t change that now), and was denied WFH so I could manage my symptoms in a quiet environment. I even got into a car accident and they spread rumors while I was in the ER getting checked for a concussion! So I confronted them and asked if I was being fired and why this was all happening. They just lied to my fucking face, said I was a great worker and asked why I would think I was in any trouble when I hadn’t even been disciplined or written up before?
I was fuming. I waited until everyone left, typed up my resignation letter and sent it. I’ve been gritting my teeth these last two weeks trying to do as much as possible for a smooth transition. I love my coworkers and patients, and I feel horrible for abandoning them. Then my dog died two days ago and I have been crushed. I haven’t been able to do anything, and I got sympathy from coworkers but the managers have only spoken to me when absolutely necessary. One of the managers tried to wish me luck last week but it was just so artificial it made me want to puke. Plus she wanted to know where I’d be working next, and seemed taken aback when I told her I have nothing lined up.
Then tonight, on the eve of my last day, I get an email from her. She lays out a paragraph of ways I could improve in the future and I just wanted to scream and cry and tear my hair out. They gave me over a hundred patients to work with and drove my mental health into the ground and gaslit me for months, and they want to put sprinkles on this pile of shit by reminding me of all the ways I screwed up?? She polished it off with “I hope you have a good last day!”
I want to die. I want to scream at them until they realize how fucking insane they all are for trying to run a nonprofit community health center like their cash cow and fucked with their patients’ lives and their workers’ sanity. I want to dig a hole and never come out.
What do I do? I know I have the propensity to get overemotional (thanks mental illness), so I don’t want to get myself into a situation where I act impulsively or irrationally. My therapist and I made a plan that I would just keep my head down these last days until it was over with. They tried to terminate one of my coworker’s insurance prematurely when she quit and I really don’t want that to happen to me. But I am just so fucking angry and depressed and hurt. I really don’t know what to do.
I don’t have a job lined up. I don’t have any money. I am so scared.
Thank you to anyone who reads this.