I’ve been listening to my gut a lot in this new year. I hear a voice in my mind and a good amount of the time it’s right.
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been struggling a lot in my job apparently. I’ve never struggled in my previous jobs to this extent. Even when they were hard, I managed to get everything right and they complimented me that I got it. This is new to me, that I’m apparently failing so horribly over simple tasks and yet I don’t think I am. I feel like someone is orchestrating my downfall and succeeding.
I had a long meeting with my boss about how disappointed they were with my performance. Pretty sure they’re close to firing me and there’s no way for me to get back. I’m already looking for other jobs and I have two interviews I’m setting up. I noticed a few red flags in their culture when the rose tinted glasses came off and the coldness towards me.
I could hear that when my boss spoke to me, they have something personal against me even though they claim to be a welcoming space.
I was straight up attacked verbally by them over how I seem to not grasp simple concepts. Which okay, I get the frustration. It’s a simple thing and I shouldn’t be having this problem… but for some reason I am. And I’m being judged heavily by it.
The reason why I think I’m being sabotaged is that when I upload crucial employment data I often find the files missing or the wrong dates entered when I know I entered them accurately. I have digital files on my computer with all the files in its corresponding folder. In the online system, it will be changed just enough to be alarming. When I get a file, I date it immediately so there’s no way I am getting this simple thing wrong – yet I am. Somehow. This is serious. Mistakes cannot happen here; but they are.
I admit I haven’t been perfect, but I didn’t think I was that bad. I did make some mistakes that could’ve been caught. And I got flamed for it hard today. It was the most uncompassionate and genuine expression of my boss that I knew was under that fake smile skin.
The mistakes are bugging me because it’s not like me.