*this is going to be a horrific multipart story. Please be patient. It takes a lot of work to do this, and I’m trying to, before they NDA me *
I used to be a life-guard assistant at a local pool district. My job was to manage defective pool noodles, in the general pool noodle environment, at this pool. It was the lowest rated pool district in this cheese area, so out of 421 pool districts, mine actively fought to be the lowest ranked pool in the cheese.
As you can imagine, some names and titles have been formatted from their original version, in order to fit your screen. And while I don’t want to call a defective pool noodle, defective, for the sake of this story – please accept my sincerest apologies as that is not my normal terminology. It’s a story. A very fictional with no application to persons real or imaginary, though very honest. I too fit under that defective description more often than not as you’ll come to find out. I started at probably the worst pool, in the pool district. It was tiger themed, and that was cool. There was love and care put into that pool though. The lifeguards, and assistant lifeguards like myself would do whatever we could to make things work on a budget of less than 0 (once COLA and Supplies were factored in). The head-lifeguard was a friend from a different pool I used to work at, so that’s how I got the job. It was a pleasant surprise to see that head-lifeguard at a position that was clearly beneath her. But pleasant nonetheless. Her assistant building manager was a “can do” attitude in an empty supply box, telling everyone it was full.
I quickly learned one of the defective pool noodles I was helping out specifically, was one of my friends’ pool noodle. Let me tell you, this pool noodle, ran on some different stuff. For those of you who don’t manage defective pool noodles, they generally come in two different flavors – strong or fast. Mine was fast and would glide through the waterways no matter how much you tried to stop it. But once I figured out that little noodles eccentricities things got better. They weren’t good, but they were better.
Sometimes I could get this noodle to stay where it needed to, it just wasn’t expected to do much due to the defect, but was still in the general pool area with the other general pool noodles. Here’s where it gets complicated. This pool defective pool noodle, was in a pool with pool noodles that weren’t defective. Whenever any pool noodle was having an issue, that energy would feed into my defective pool noodle. We would often have to remove him from the pool and take him to his defective pool noodles lifeguard. We’ll call her a D-Life guard. She knew how to make my pool noodle scared and comply out of fear. I would try to speak up, but was told it was approved by the head pool manager herself. They would put him in a dark room while he pleaded to be let out, knowing he was scared of the dark. They would leave the door open, so as to have it not be a restraint or seclusion by their definition – but they wouldn’t let him get to the door so if he wanted to leave he could. He would often have potty related accidents because his D-lifeguard wouldn’t know if he was telling the truth or not. It was truly horrific how much stuff this defective pool noodle went through because of the pool district allowed and encouraged it happening. I was told I couldn’t talk to that pool noodles parents about what I knew was happening by the D-lifeguard. That job being an assistant lifeguard at that pool, was horrible – but 100% just that school. I tried to get out of it as soon as possible by trying to become a lifeguard. I shouldn’t have had a shot because the only other person interviewing for the position was a well loved substitute lifeguard, that just got her license and degree in being a D-lifeguard. She went to school for it, whereas I did not have either. The position was mine before she even applied as offered by the assistant building manager. So I got the “promotion” if you can cal it that. It was worse. Much worse. Not only was given a room I couldn’t leave, it was only defective pool noodles, who had never had a formal lifeguard as their lifeguard. And for defective pool noodles, with their own self contained pool area, it means it’s not possible for them to be with other pool noodles. At one point, I was coming home from work every day with bruises and usually pinned into a corner, I couldn’t take and it was making my diagnosed PTSD worse. Hence, my defect.
I resigned from the position and took my old job as an assistant lifeguard back, but this time my pool was one I had attended back when I was a pool noodle. I was excited because I knew a lot of my new pool noodles’ parents and it would make the job easier. Definitely more fun! Coming to that new pool, I immediately disclosed that I had PTSD because I was still scared I could end up in a room alone again. Thankfully that was not the case, and I was going to be working with defective pool noodles in the general pool environment.
I fell in love with the new pool and pool noodles. I loved the school. The commute was just a block or two from home.
So, we’re in January of 2020 and it’s a new year, new me, and all those other cliches. I’m seeing my neighbors’ and friends’ children in class and I couldn’t be happier. I had several really awesome students and an amazing lifeguard I was serving. All the others I had met, over the course of a month, their assistants feared them. Other assistants at my previous pool warned me to keep my head down and not do anything that could be seen as a problematic. This position, at this new pool, didn’t feel that bad.
I was horribly wrong. Very very wrong. Please share this, as it will get much longer and much worse, really soon. I will add links to part 2+ as I get them typed up. I can promise you, any time we hear about lifeguard shortages in pool districts, it well earned. They earned it for how horrible they treat their lifeguards, lifeguard assistants, and even the pool noodles. The pool noodles suffer the most, and improving their experience can’t be done without improving the lives of the lifeguards and assistant lifeguards.