My childhood seems like a distant dream. I had the closest of friends in school and now we've all grown apart. We used to do everything together: classes, sports, holidays, jobs, trips, court, funerals and so much more. Now I'm 26 and I can't seem to make genuine connections with anyone the way I did with those friends. People's careers always take precedence. You always say you'll link back up but it will never happen. The few friends I have now are a shadow of what I once had. Acquaintances seems like a more appropriate term. Life seems like it's moving so fast now, but it was only yesterday that all I had to worry about was what my plans were for the next weekend. Why is it that our culture encourages us to move away after high school/college and let the friendships that you developed for so long wither and die for the sake of getting a job you hate. Why do we work shit jobs to afford things we don't need to impress people we don't care about?
I feel as though we weren't made for this. For centuries we thrived in smaller, closer, simpler societies and now the closest thing I have to a “tribe” or “village” is my dog. Everything is monetized. Everything is overregulated. Privacy is a laughable idea. The world is slowly dying and yet onward we march. I got my degree and I've had a “good” job for about 4 years now. I don't struggle with money. I live thousands of miles away from my hometown. I'm not close with my family anymore. I live in a city full of people and yet I've never felt more alone. This world has convinced me that marriage is a scam to the modern male and I don't want to risk half of everything I'll ever own just to alleviate the loneliness. The government has to get involved in everything. We are being civilized to death. It's fees, permits, licenses, terms & agreements, laws, clauses, codes, ordinances, taxes, systems, and institutions all while we still have canine teeth and forward-facing eyes. Where do we go from here? How can one make this type of life worth living?
I have hobbies. Things I used to like to do. But what good are they if you can't share those experiences with people you care about and who care about you. What good is being a Michelin star chef if you have no one to share your food with? What good is being a world champion boxer if you come home to an empty house? What good is monetizing a talent if it makes it something you can't stand doing? What good does it do to reach goals if at the end of the day we are all going to return to the earth just the same. I don't believe in any god, something that I think augmented the mental health of the older generations. Ignorance is bliss I suppose. But how could anyone capable of rational thought believe that a loving god could allow such suffering that there is today? How could anyone in the age of technology and information believe in some far fetched fairytale that results in some magical benevolent being sweeping you up and casting all your worries away?