So, to make a long story short, I'm an OTR truck driver. Things have been going wrong since I started, but I love the road enough to get over it. However, now I'm sick as a dog. Well, not really. I don't actually feel all that bad. But I'm really lightheaded and dizzy (I usually am when I get sick in my sinuses like this), and I can't think straight. It started yesterday and I got off the road early because I felt unsafe and loopy. I was hoping today I'd feel better but I feel way worse. The rational part of my brain, knows that no matter how anyone feels about it, it isn't worth being half conscious and plowing through an innocent family in traffic with 75,000lbs. But I feel so terrible about it. I feel like I'm letting myself down, and my family down, because I'm putting my job on the line by parking up here. A lot of other truckers feel like I should just drive and “stop being a *****”. I am extremely careful when I drive, as one of my worst fears is hurting someone or worse. I feel like if I'm not A-game I shouldn't drive. All this is doing is making me even more stressed and feel even worse, and making my head hurt worse. Idk. Why do I feel so terrible about my decision. I'm aware that most people would just power through it, and if I still worked at Hertz, I would too. Idk. I know I shouldn't drive, but my anxiety over this is making me want to. I would never endanger the public, so I won't, but goddamn I feel like a criminal in my own mind. I have no idea what my boss will say either. Maybe someone will just come and take my load from me. Maybe they'll just let me wait. Maybe they fire me. Idk. This sucks. To make it all worse, I'm a thousand miles from my family, so I don't really even have any support out here. Just me and my own insanity. Idk.
EDIT: No, I really do feel quite awful.