Anyone else have PTSD and anxiety from work?
I’ve always had anxiety, but I’ve started having panic attacks since I started working for my current boss a few years ago. I’ve had to go on leave for mental health twice. I can’t sleep, I cry easily, I ruminate all day. My phone and e-mail scare me. It’s horrible. I feel silly because I have great work life balance in this role, especially for the amount of money I make. And my boss has been my biggest advocate in terms of giving me raises and promotions. I wouldn’t be able to support my family if it weren’t for them. But they are volatile, and I never know what mood they will be in, if they’ll start yelling at everyone or me in particular. When I don’t get a work product right the first time, they call me stupid and lazy…“if you’d stop trying to just do things quickly and get it over and actually think” (after I’ve spent 12+ hours on a 2-pager) “if you’d actually use your brain for one minute” “why are you wasting everyone’s time, do you know how much we’re paying people to be in this meeting, and you’re showing me that” etc. I feel so embarrassed because other execs seem able to shake off these types of comments and just focus on their work and great pay, but I take them personally and feel so beaten down. I feel stuck because I need to take care of my family and I don’t think I could find another job with this pay very quickly. And I don’t even know if I could learn a new job in my mental state. I have an exit plan that involves going back to school to switch industries but it will take me 16 months before I can even start school. I feel so low. I don’t know if I’m looking for advice or just venting or what.