I don’t know how much longer I can do this, my whole life I fed into the bullshit capitalist ideals of work work work to maybe get ahead. I’ve been working regularly since I was 16, started working full time right after I college, did good and managed to secure two promotions in a 3 year span, got promoted to General Manager and thought things were so awesome but it didn’t take me long to realize that all my new title meant was that everything that went wrong was on my shoulders and that I have to sacrifice even more for just a little bit more pay. Did this for a few years and was growing more and more disillusioned and depressed. I eventually turned to drugs which led me down a rabbit hole but that entire time I was still working because now I had really expensive habits to upkeep. I eventually ended up getting arrested and thrown into prison for a little over a year, do you know what I felt at that time, relief, I felt like I could finally take it easy and not everything is on me anymore. I did my time and told myself when I got out I’d finally enjoy life and not get sucked down the same rabbit hole. We’ll fast forward to my current day and I’m 4 months out of prison and once again getting sucked into this bullshit. Took a job as an assistant manager in training and due to my experience they were willing to overlook my criminal history and gave me a shot, I felt relieved but now a little over a month into and I’m starting to remember how damn horrible this is, how much I hate life and this time I don’t even have drugs to help me cope. I have no idea how to get out of this god damn rat race trap, it feels like I’m just destined to be a wage slave for the rest of my life and I have no idea why I’m even doing this anymore. Been thinking about saying fuck it and just driving for DoorDash for a living, my expenses aren’t that high and I’m good at living frugal but my probation doesn’t accept that as employment and I could be violated if I don’t hold down a job. I feel trapped and have no idea what to do. This seems like the perfect sub so sorry if I’m posting this in the wrong place but I just need to vent because I don’t know who to talk to about this. Everybody is so happy that I’m back at work and doing “well” after my prison stint but I don’t see myself as doing well and am as miserable as I was when I was in the deepest depths of my drug abuse.