Title.
(tw mentions of suicidality)
My experience: I've been dealing with chronic suicidal thoughts ever since I was a child, and I'm currently relapsing pretty fucking hard. Two weeks ago though, I got a diagnosis of COVID and I was in literally a world of pain. I couldn't breath, I had a fever, my head was pounding, I vomited blood I think. It was fucking wild and honestly like I came this close to get hospitalized.
But I remember thinking: that's nice I don't have to go to work.
And for once in my life, I was free of suicidal thoughts. I didn't have any. I have some feelings of death ideation like oh yeah I could die from this, this is nice, but…. I wasn't suicidal.
I came back to work today, and I was struck, and I mean hit by a truck, with suicidal thoughts. For three hours straight, I was crying, sobbing and I was unable to move because of how sad and miserable I was. I left and I don't think I'm coming back.
and honestly, I'm prett ysure I'm not alone in this.