So I ran into our office lead, who barked at me- You need to smile more!
Later I explained that our company has a mask mandate that I’ve followed to the tee. I’ve been in a mask 100% of the time except to eat or drink, how can anyone even say I’m not smiling when pretty much no one has even seen my full face.
She doubled down and became insistent saying kind of saltily- Oh, we know! We can see if your eyes or cheeks are raised.
Ok whatever. After giving it much further thought, I realized I have only even seen this woman 4-5 times in person, each time in a mask, for brief 3 min period- not nearly enough for this assessment to actually be coming from her
Later on I’m sitting at my desk and overhear a convo from the male team lead who sits nearby sounding super adamant and upset.
“This is just a job to her! (Is that supposed to be an insult. I still make well below 6 figures. What the hell else is it supposed to be??) Oh you can tell! She doesn’t care at all. Sarcastic chuckle. Then in a dogmatic tone It couldn’t be more obvious. She doesn’t like it”
Our office lead had made some mention of this guy possibly needing assistance from me as his assistant is out. One of the things she said was- You know who he is. You say hello to him every morning.
The only person other person who knows we have that daily good morning exchange is him. So it’s clear they talked about me and he complained about me not looking happy and smiley enough in our daily exchanges/ not being personable enough. It’s true we exchange good mornings every day and I always happily say good morning back but I could sense he was upset that the convo never really goes farther than that and blaming me for it like the burden to expand on it is all mine and none his.
At one point, he made a big point of going to a woman who sits nearby and loudly saying I’m so glad you’re here Mary. You always talk to me. And we have these exchanges. Not like others etc etc. It makes the day so much better. Kind of implying he doesn’t like that I’m not giving enough to the space socially and trying to neg me to prompt me to dance/ perform.
Another element of this is that I worked for someone super high level at another company that’s larger than this one. This company is insecure about measuring up to and competing with the juggernaut I came from and apparently they lost a lot of talent to them and have an inferiority complex about it. So getting someone so closely associated with someone so high level over there was quite a bag for them.
So there’s a male dick slinging contest in this too. His ego is injured that he got the King’s monkey but he feels it doesn’t dance for him the same. And that I don’t look enthusiastic to be there or impressed enough with him or the environment. In a way that suggests it might not be as good as what I had been used to at my old company. He was looking to be validated and my non-chalance indirectly gave the response- No, you are not as good as this other male top dog, nor is your company remotely as good as theirs.
It’s clear our female office lead went to him, saying I could help him and he moaned like a little bitch saying we speak everyday but I barely say anything beyond good morning and don’t smile at him enough or look happy or personable enough. Which basically all boils down to him feeling potentially unwanted by me as a potential boss or higher up to me who I may work with more closely in the future
Small dick energy all the way.
There are so many more emotionally intelligent ways he could’ve handled that. And I can already see I’m not being seen as someone who he values as a person or as potentially part of his team. But as a tool to use. Like beating a donkey you were trying to ride that sat down on the road. There’s been no desire to see where I’m coming from and how the space is treated me. For the record, I’m a minority and it’s been microaggressive in some ways. I’m also someone starting a new job after many many years of not doing so.
I really don’t like that he ran behind my back and complained to management about me before we’ve even had the chance to work with me and see the kind of work I do. While smiling in my face everyday
The whole thing just underscored what weak egoed little bitches most men in these positions are. It was weak little bitch energy and small dick energy all the way. He makes like 700k a year and is leaning on a little assistant who makes less than 1/10th that for not smiling at him enough and acting more grateful for the job and like it’s her whole life
The mature, true leader way to handle it would be to approach me and see if things are going well with me in the space, are there any issues, do I need anything. Even to invest in me to some extent- a lunch, a smile etc, frontload the experience by giving me something of value before becoming immediately angry about what you think you’re not going to receive from me.
Supporting males in the work place on this level is a scam. You sacrifice becoming the fully actualized version of yourself- consent to never make enough to live the life you want and always be at their beck and call for them to view you simply as a mule or a tool that should be happy to serve them at all times for nearly nothing and perform for them in the most minute ways or deserves to be beat if not performative and dancing for them and validating their egos and how they want to feel about themselves at all time
“This is just a job to her”- why the fuck would it be anything more. It’s not teaching me anything. There are barely any opportunities for advancement. I haven’t been given anything or invested in in any way.
A good leader is loved because he leads with his own investment in people before demanding things of them in return
A lot of male leaders at the top are soooo weak egoed. I can see hes clearly threatened by my last boss. And also that the company as a whole has short man syndrome- is threatened by my last big dicked bf/ employer who really was the man around town, apparently more so than I even knew when working there. But I now see it quite clearly reflected in the jealous questions of the smaller companies I joined and interviewed with. (Well he laid off during covid, didn’t he???!! No, no one that I know of was laid off. Oh, that’s a lie! Or you must not know) Looking for me to say something negative about my former company for me to validate that even though they’re smaller they’re really better. The name of my former employer keeps being brought up whereas my former employer never ever mentioned these companies at all- I never heard their names spoken and certainly not with salty jealousy- in years and years of being there. So now there’s this anger if I don’t go out of my way to validate them (current company) and manage down their insecurity in relation to “him” (past big dicked employer)
Both individually (boss wise) and company wise, it’s like going from a big dicked boyfriend who really was the man around town and who all the other men kind of envy and aspire to be to a short dicked man who’s immediately insecure he doesn’t deserve you and won’t be able to satisfy you as well, so has a low lying anger toward you if he senses even a hint of the idea that you may not be as pleased with him or if you fail to over-validate him in the way his fragile ego thats always searching for something wrong needs
There’s this very low level anger bubbling beneath the surface of- What?!! She doesn’t like it here??? She doesn’t think we’re as good as her former employer??? grinds teeth at the slightest misstep on my part of absentminded failure to validate their ego where it’s most needed
Honestly, the more jealous and insecure they act the more it’s just underscoring in a way I wasn’t even thinking about, what a boss my former boss was and how much the man my former company actually was.
Crazy the many ways male ego and dick slinging matches display themselves even on a company level
It’s really sexist too how these male leads expect you to smile and perform for them. Absolutely all of it is about dick slinging with other males and having you affirm and co-sign their position in the power structure and ability to control, so that they can feel important and powerful
At the end of the day, so weak. No one with real power has to throw a tantrum like that
And they wonder why no one wants to return in person to these kinds of stupid microaggressions