I have been in insurance for four years. It’s not my dream job by any stretch. But it got me out of retail. Which I hated way worse. But years of hearing almost nothing but complaining (80% of insurance clients are calling you to complain about something.) And your employers/coworkers either bullying you, micromanaging you, and being overly critical…it all takes its toll.
When I first got into insurance I cared. A LOT. I was so grateful to get out of retail and get my first “big girl” job I would stay late, I went above and beyond for clients, I was always trying to impress my employer. I happily added my colleagues on FB and bragged about my job, and the people I worked with being “liKe fAMilY.” I got promotions, I got raises, etc. But 2.5 years later I got fired from that same first insurance job for “no longer fitting in the culture“ (which was really just me not wanting to put up with being bullied by a new hire, being given more work than I could handle and no one wanting to help) it all went downhill. Each new insurance job after that burned me over and over again. The second one I worked at I overheard my bosses and coworkers saying bad things about me behind my back. Making fun of me, saying I was not getting stuff done fast enough (even though they stacked my work so I couldn’t keep up.) Being so burned from the last job, and scared it would be repeat, I quit before they could fire me. If they were ever going to.
The next job I got my boss was a bully. Was always cornering me and getting on my case for every little thing I did wrong, or not quick enough, but NEVER wanted to help me and was maybe in the office 50% of the time. I could never be good enough for this man. He was extremely lazy. Expected me to pick up a bunch of his slack, and if I was too slow for his liking, I got chewed out. BAD! I was always trying to do things right by him, but he decided he didn’t like me for whatever reason. So, as soon as he’d leave for the day (as long as I didn’t have anything really important to do) I cracked open my book and read the rest of my shift. If he didn’t have to work, neither did I. Maybe if I had been treated as something other than a minion with no feelings, I’d have done more.
The third one was by far the worst! It was very toxic. I had A LOT to learn REALLY fast. And if I slipped up, even in the slightest one of my coworkers who was “training” (more like hazing) would literally stomp over to my desk and chew me out. For the most mundane, honest, and easily fixed mistakes I was made to feel like I burned the place down. I was made to be a piece of sh*t over simple human error. I wasn’t allowed to learn at my own pace. I was basically expected to perform to perfection when barely a couple weeks in. There were days I would literally lay on the bathroom floor, crying because I had become so broken. I came home and broke completely down in front of my husband one night after a really bad day. It wasn’t just crying. I BROKE! I eventually withdrew. Completely. I got to where I barely talked to anyone. I was polite to a very basic level. I did my work, got paid, went home. I eventually got let go after only two months for “personality conflicts.” No one cared that I was being ostracized on a daily basis.
My current job, while there is no toxicity, there is still drama. Not surprised, as all work places have drama. But I am so burned out, so exhausted from all my previous jobs, my enthusiasm has died. I was hired to be the only service person alongside our two sales people. They are always freaking out about whether or not we’re going to write enough policies by this month, blah blah blah. One of my coworkers even threatens “if we don‘t get this, we’re all in trouble.” My reaction is…nothing. I have no emotions when she says this. If we get let go for not getting enough sales, we get let go. I am tired. They can go on their social media and try to get sales, bug friends/family, strangers. I won’t. I am not even sales anyway. So, it’s whatever. My job is service. And that’s precisely what I am doing. Their freak outs about sales have zero effect on me. They want me to participate in helping them get sales by posting on my social media, talking to friends, and strangers out in public. But I will do none of the sort. My energy for doing more than what I am paid for on the job is null and void. And what I do with my personal media, during my time off, etc. is MY business. They need to stay in their own lane.
When customers call me with issues, I used to be so empathetic. I used to love to chat with my clients. Now I get whatever done they need done, tell them to have a nice day and move on. I don’t want chit chat. If they start to I politely push them along to basically “cut to the chase. What do you want? I don’t have all day” (without actually saying that.) I know it’s not fair to the clients. It’s not their fault. And I don’t blame them. But it’s a side effect of being pushed this far.
Now I am just doing the bare minimum what I need to do to get a paycheck. I conserve my energy for my husband, our friends, and my hobbies. I will NEVER add colleagues to my social media ever again. I will never share personal things about myself with my colleagues ever again. The girl who opened her arms and mind to her workplace and the people she worked with is long gone. This is just a way to make money so I can enjoy my life. That’s it. All the rest is long gone.