What a bizzare social network. These are people you know, but they act nothing like them. Your friends, family, past and present coworkers sure look like themselves, but in this foreign planet of Linkedin something is off. They act like zombies, promoting the most boring nonsense no person with a soul would find interesting. Sure, people market themselves on Instagram and Twitter, but you can tell it's them. It's the things they like and give them joy. Not on LinkedIn. The people you meet there are nothing more than empty shells.
They kindly pat each other backs for promotions, congradulate their peers for deals they make, ruminant financial news and regurgitate motivational quotes. Who are those people? Is this a cult?
The only reasonable explanation is they were cloned in vegetative pods by an invading alien species known as professionals, and snatched them back to LinkedIn: their home planet.
So spooky.