After my last job as a Bht for nine months I had some up and down moments. It wasn’t what I expected. Like many jobs, the pay wasn’t enough for the job and deserved more.
I also had: long commute just to one client with no compensation, no chance of replacement client if one was unable to be seen, abuse from clients and management or teachers I worked with (one particular client abused me and other kids the whole summer I worked with him)
Also, ptsd response from working during pandemic and from above job experience which came about on shift or when driving long commute.
Then factor in toll charges for commute drive, having a car at the time that required a fill up every other day (my car can carry more now with me inheriting my grandparents car and I have a much closer job)—-I am very thankful the driving situation got better before the gas prices went up recently.
Driving during a hurricane to get home from client and his parents were kind enough to recommend I go home early with the bad storm nearby, and on the way home I hydroplaned right near my house and totaled the front of my old car.
And as it turns out my manager didn’t want to drive during the hurricane so she didn’t and she doesn’t have to because she is always guaranteed client hours.
Being yelled at by manager at how I was rude at clients house because she wanted me to answer phone so we could go outside to do chalk with client.
But the clients mom was taking care of her baby in another room and the clients shoes were somewhere and I couldn’t find them as their house was a mess.
So I didn’t answer during that time and the client can be hard to transition. Also I had to answer clients front door for manager as her mom was busy which I felt weird about as it’s not my house.
She also didn’t want to do the session inside the house anyway as the client had been home with a stomachache and she couldn’t afford to get sick but it was ok if I went inside.
Being yelled at to my face by my clients teachers when they just spent a prior moment yelling at client.
Being touched inappropriately by two child aged clients, age 5 and 6, the latter of which had done the above mentioned physical and psychological abuse to me and other kids.
Being shorted hours at a new clients school because they didn’t need me that much from 4 hours to 2 hours and it was a hour drive commute.
Billing paperwork of 50 + pages or face not getting paid every other Sunday at 1am due to doing schoolwork and maintaining a romantic relationship strained from my work stress, and catching up on notes missed from the job during the day that I had to log into database.
This was due to a client being chaotic or needy (wanting me to play with them and them not wanting to play with other kids) and I couldn’t write safely or properly in the moment.
Having a wait time in between each client that was too long so I waited…in my car, in Starbucks, at a gas station…in weather of extreme cold or extreme hot sometimes. I napped in my cramped car, I took notes, I snacked with what I had which wasn’t much due to being ill prepared)
I stayed impossibly late at clients (8pm sometimes) due to needing hours as I used up pto time for not having enough client hours.
I felt extreme stress and empathy from clients who broke down from their own issues or lives. I managed to touch the lives or become friends with all the clients even if to the smallest degree.
There were times I just didn’t show and used pto due to sheer stress or exhaustion from no sleep, from overwork, from a overthinking mind, etc
All this eventually ended up with me sitting in my car one day after the one clients teacher mentioned above she was cutting my hours as the client didn’t need a bht as they didn’t have one during Covid and made do without one for a while.
Without thinking I parked far away from the building where no one could see me, and there were no cars, just a lot of trees, and broke down crying from everything.
As I am a girl, I then rubbed my lower regions into my clothes against my seat very slowly so it didn’t look like I was doing anything and clenched my muscles to make a climax feeling happen. I didn’t touch myself with my hands or anything. And no one saw me. It’s worth mentioning I would never do this kind of thing in public, such stuff is for the privacy of my own room at home. (I live with my boyfriend)
To this day I feel disgusted but I’m chalking it up to extreme depression and stress and feeling numb from abuse and wanting to feel something without being able to stop myself and not thinking clearly.
That job had no right doing what it did to me and making me unravel like it did. It felt inhumane and luckily I parked so far away from everyone and everything so no one saw me.