Throwaway for reasons that will be clear soon.
My husband (35M) and I (30F) were married for two years before I filed for divorce. The divorce is now getting dangerously close to its third year.
Surprising for such a short marriage? We cohabited for five years prior to getting married and we have a 6 year old daughter together. Many of the reasons for me wanting a divorce are due to his coldness and boorishness that came fully unmasked post marriage.
But what's relevant to my post here is that he was a business owner. He projected to everybody, including me that his business was doing wonderfully, but that he was above all, a fair and empathetic boss, and always conducted business honestly.
He was extremely closed off whenever I wanted to know more about the operations and finances of the business. At first I accepted it because he made me think that I was being too pushy and that marriage was just a piece of paper. Around the time we got married, I was dealing with aftereffects of postpartum depression but know now that as a married couple, it is your responsibility to know about the household's finances on all fronts.
But after my head cleared up, I realized that my gut kept telling me that his cofounders who acted like all American, WASPY clean cut former fraternity brothers were shady as hell. Just rough, dismissive, boorish human beings that always had an edge of contempt towards me during all our interactions. And just from one office visit where I introduced myself to his employees, I could tell they were also treated dismissively and walked on eggshells.
My husband was a drinker and one night a series of horrible drunk texts from him just made me say ” I deserve better.” Especially when he openly mocked me in front of the entire office the next day with one of the co owners of his business.
I filed for divorce and when I did, I got a phone call from one of his employees. He informed me that he believes that my husband's business was purposely shorting them out of money because their salaries were entirely commission but they were not being paid the difference when their commissions were less than minimum wage. All of these individuals were immigrants who did not speak English that well and came from cultures where people typically did not question authority.
I did some digging and realized that these individuals were treated and ordered around as if they were employees but being told they were independent contractors.. and yes- reported as such.
I sat back at that moment and thoughts ” Well that sounds like fraud to me.” And as I dug deeper I was absolutely outraged. Like most people hired for commission their job revolved around sales but from what I heard form this employee and another, they basically had a whole cornucopia of tasks. And fit exactly zero of the criteria of independent contractors since they couldn't even control when they went to lunch everyday.
I realized that this goes beyond any hard feelings I felt for my cold, disrespectful husband. I was sick of people using the blood, sweat, and tears, of the disadvantaged to shine their upper middle class success story images.
I compiled evidence, including contact information ( had to tiptoe around and only got two people willing to actively step forward) , employment contracts, emails from management ordering these poor people around, an instance where somebody was fired for not following a direction ( which happens to employees not independent contractors), and other information.
My divorce lawyer referred me to a colleague and we submitted my findings along with a written statement to the department of labor and training. And then we went to the IRS.
I did not know when these two agencies would respond but the department of labor and training in particular surprised me with how quick they were at my soon to be ex's throat. They moved faster than our already acrimonious at the time divorce proceedings ever did.
My ex would leave messages shouting obscenities at me. I had to change the locks, tell my mom to change her number, and live with a relative along with my daughter. My lawyer put a stop to it but not before he and a bunch of ( similarly drunk) cofounders were screwing with my reputation. Telling mutual friends I was a liar, a scorned woman, a cheater, Stalin himself, that I slept with like 500 men a week after I gave birth, etc. My in laws told everybody I was trying to throw my daughter's father in jail.
I got calls from another employee who was now thinking of suing because she literally got paid like $30 dollars a week.
And then if the labor board was bad, Uncle Sam came in and lord, did hell break loose. My ex's business is technically still there but I cannot imagine a scenario where they don't end up in bankruptcy court. But I don't see how bankruptcy would be his worry since what he did was illegal and the possibility of criminal penalty isn't impossible.
My soon to be ex said I ruined his life but bad bosses ruin their own lives. I only wish I had known earlier because I never would have stood by it.
I know there is a lot of vitriol for boss's wives, and I accept if you all still want to hate me, but it felt good to get what has been consuming my life for so long off my chest.
My ex told me that because of my actions, he hereby disowns our daughter because she'll remind him of me. Yes, it was said in a fit of drunk anger but the fact he could say that tells you everything about him.
In the time since this began, I still managed to raise a beautiful, happy daughter who just found out she'll be the lead in a ballet recital. We live in a small town and I have moved into a new home away from the gossip and have begun dating a wonderful man I met at the hospital I work at.
I regret nothing, but can only apologize for my soon to be ex's immorality once more. They say people like to make examples of small businesses but I strongly believe there needs to be more education for small business owners because so many people go into it wanting to make money and thinking they'll just learn the laws sometime later. No- your employees and their happiness will be the thing that will make or break you. Stay strong guys.