Vent post. First world problems.
I’m required to get a negative PCR test before I go. I planned this trip and got approval months in advance. This conference came up two weeks ago.
I’m so nervous about catching COVID. I am burnt out. I can barely motivate myself to forward an email. I need a break so desperately. Sometimes I picture something work related and imagine myself dead and dangling from a tree. I’m not at all suicidal and I love my life, but, for some reason, imagining my corpse when faced with the thought of work is comforting because at least I don’t have to work anymore. I actually really need this break.
My boss says I have to go to this conference, for optics. I don’t even need to be there, except for everyone to see this fat head on this small body. Not presenting. The presentations are totally unrelated to what I do. And I’m going to look like a spaz because I won’t socialise. I already told my colleagues they can’t touch me.
It’s literally one week before I fly out and I swear if I get covid, I’m finding something else. I know y’all might say find something else but other than this, it’s an okay job, pays pretty well, good hours, good people. But they’re going to maybe duck up my holiday and I work so that I can play. And that’s not on.