So…I (24F) spent the last 6+ years working for a company who I went above and beyond for for the entirety of my employment. I worked 10-12 hour days, 6-7 days a week; working early mornings, late nights, and weekends in order to create/improve processes that made/saved the company time and money. My roles ranged from customer service, to management (team and operational), to global sales, to program development and coordination. I literally worked myself sick for them, just them to fire me (and about 20 other people) last Friday for the sole reason of “cutting costs”. It was unexpected and we were given no prior warning.
I had 117 hours of accrued PTO (because I rarely took time off) that was paid out to me and I received a decent severance pay since I was let go through no fault of my own. I also qualify for unemployment insurance (about $500 a week after taxes) for 23 weeks because, again, I was let go for reasons beyond my control. Between my last paycheck, my accrued PTO, and the severance, I would be able to pay all of my bills in full for at least 3 months (mortgage, insurances, car payment, etc) and be able to get food and other necessities with the unemployment money.
Additionally, I've also prepared for this sort of thing to happen over the years. I have crippling financial anxiety because I grew up with an absent dad and a mom with a gambling addiction. The constant threat of homelessness and not knowing where my next meal will come from looming over my head my entire childhood caused me to become hyper-responsible with finances to the point where (through strict budgeting) almost all of my bills are paid 1-3 months in advance. With that in mind, I could realistically take at least 4 months off and be fine between my preparation, my last check/PTO/severance, and the unemployment.
Part of me is saying I should take at least 3 months off before I even begin seriously looking for work because I spent the last 6 years busting my ass for literally no reason and I feel like I deserve a break (also my old job is the one paying my unemployment benefits so fuck them, they can pay me to NOT work). Another part of me is saying that even though I've only been jobless for 5 days, I need to find a new job as soon as possible because my internalized capitalism says I'm worthless if I'm not productive and my financial anxiety is screaming at me because my partner is also jobless right now either of us have an income. I literally can't sit and just EXIST without a job for even a week without having a full blown panic attack. What the hell has grind culture done to me????