I work for a nonprofit with 10 full time staff. Four have quit since December, all for various reasons. Just last week, a supervisor and coworker got into a shouting match (I didn’t hear any of it, noise cancelling headphones), but my own boss was eager to gossip about it once we were the last two in the office.
This place has been dialing up my workload since day one. I was hired on for one thing, but eager to prove my worth at the beginning of the pandemic layoffs/after I’d spent 3 months previously frantically applying anywhere I could. So like an idiot, I pulled out all the stops and was rewarded with a raise and praise from the CEO and our Board. They have promoted me since — $45,000 a year to write all of the organization’s copy, create all of our graphics, manage our website and social media, generate event websites, train new employees and help current ones with IT issues, take minutes and create PowerPoint presentations for videos and film and edit videos.
My boss is super type a. Like, calls me 7-8 times a day for anywhere from 20 minutes to an hour. Like, berates me in front of others when I’m not accounted for like she likes or when she thinks I’m making things more complicated than they need to be. We’re short staffed, and our CEO keeps taking on more projects — I know she’s cranky and overworked, but it’s not an excuse to talk down to me.
Thing is, I don’t stand up for myself. I never established boundaries, and now she insists I take my laptop on vacation “in case of emergencies,” makes passive aggressive remarks if I don’t work over 8 hours and encourages me to work weekends to “catch up,” and then I do, but it doesn’t help. By Monday, there’s another big new project waiting that is equally as urgent as everything else.
So on top of feeling like trash for being such a pushover, I’m also insecure and on edge because she’s transitioning me into her duties, and I’m not analytically minded like her and also exhausted, so when I mess up I’m berated or passive aggressively snarked at.
I think I need to leave. Im having work nightmares, break out in hives and wake up with neck and shoulder pain. But I’m just embarrassed I let it get this far and at 30 still haven’t worked out how to set boundaries. Im ashamed that I’m wondering if my boss is right and I’m just not paying enough attention/managing my time wisely. This has never been a problem anywhere else I worked? Has anybody ever had success moving past this lowly can do mindset I’m in?