posted it in getoffmychest but with the non-work related and ranting removed. I thought maybe someone here might relate to how i'm feeling.
I promise i want to get up and run errands on my day off, but i'm constantly unhappy with my existence. I don't want to play video games all day(I do, most of us do, what i mean is none of us want to be the kind of person who wastes their free time) but that's what provides me my escape and has kept me from going crazy. It's because i'm tired of the rat race of life. I just don't enjoy going to my job where i'm underappreciated and treated like garbage. I see my coworkers judging me when i slack off a little, because ah yes, let me give my all, 5 days a week, 8 hours a day, for my entire life non stop because that's what makes society function, You, a completely fine human being destroying most of your life to chase something you're not even sure you want but it's just all you know and all that's been taught to you and everyone else that's “normal” is doing so you do it too. Be born, grow up, start working, find a partner, get married, have kids and work your whole life away to support that.
Yeah, well, I've been working for 7 years and instead if it making me happy, it has slowly sucked away any creativity, and excitement for life that i had before. Because once i realized that mine and most people's lives consist of this, Unless you work EVEN HARDER to make it in a more creative career space like say art or actor, and you could do that for half your life and still have it go nowhere and you still end up just like the rest? I feel like it almost made me numb to life. that this is it.
I fell into a deep deep depression. “Start working?” Well, hope you find a good one or a game plan, cause this working stuff? you'll be doing it until you're old and can finally enjoy your money yet you're old so you can't do much and you're probably not healthy enough to not have to go to the doctor frequently, let alone go do things you enjoy and go live.
The funny thing is i'm not unhappy with myself. I'm unhappy with this existence. I do have things that i like doing. I love my hobbies and my friends and they make this life just a little less miserable with everything else going on. But most of the time, those hobbies cost money. You need a job for money. And those friends? Most if not all would drop you if you were a no money no job having loser. Even though it's not their fault because that's what they were taught, as were you.
Its interesting because of my friends i ended up with the nicest job and made the most money, and thinking about how great of a start to life i was getting for making 40k a year on my first job. yet they stayed “Losers” wasting their time smoking weed and hanging out while working minimum wage. Boy little did i know. Those friends fizzled out because i was too busy working. They kept hanging out and making memories, having fun, going places and all i have to remember my early 20s by is my griding at my job.
But guess what? Money won't solve your problems. a lot of rich people are depressed because they neglected the things they love and the people they love in the pursuit of money. “Money doesn't bring happiness.”
So let's take money out of it all. Let's take a random kid in a third world country. Say they live til 16 and let's say they died. and all they did was have fun with their friends, spend time with their family because no one can afford to move out and they have an insane bond and need to rely on each other to survive. Kid didn't get to be with a partner, have kids, get a job, make money. “Such a tragedy, kid had his whole life ahead of him, if only he was born in a more fortunate country”
Who had a better life, you who were born into the work your life away culture, and spent 90% of your life just getting by and surviving, to then hopefully enjoy 10% of it before you die if you're lucky peacefully in a bed surrounded hopefully by all your family if you didn't neglect them by working your life away and not being there yet that's what you had to do for them to survive, or the kid who lived a more fulfilling life in the short 16 years he was here?
I'm honestly half tempted to move back in with my parents and get a part time job to do something stupid like gamble all my money into the stock market every month until hopefully it makes me rich. The only thing that has stopped me is pride. I'd feel like a loser. But if i do succeed, would be pretty cool right? Will i still be a loser? “Oh wow he got lucky” “He didn't work for that money” “he mooched off his parents to become successful. he didn't really earn or deserve that money!”
I'd like to write this off as me being pessimistic but what does the research say? How many of us are committing suicide? How many of us are depressed? How many of us are unhappy? How many of us never achieve Financial freedom not because we're bad with money but because we don't have or make enough money to work AND do the things that keep us sane without one or the other slipping a little bit?
So, am i just another lazy millenial?
No. I'm not. I just don't want to work my entire life away like society has done to for some reason prove to ourselves that we work HARD and we can endure hardship. I don't want to wake up one day and think “I worked my entire life yet didn't gain anything”.
There's a whole generation of people living in silent desperation for a life we didn't sign up for.
I'm exhausted, yet i've only been doing it for 8 years and i'm miserable. How can some people do this their whole lives?