I just want to post about my experience recently. I'm not so sure if I'm looking for advice (although it is appreciated), I really just need to vent.
So I work in an admissions call center at a university. It was never something I was passionate about. I just kind of stumbled into the role out of desperation. Two years ago I worked at a failing newspaper right out of college with an abusive boss where I was overworked and the lack of work-life balance was causing me to have panic attacks. It basically killed any desire I had to want to go into news/journalism. It also paid less than minimum wage (I'm talking less than $30,000 in a high cost of living area) so I was desperate to get out so I could make enough money to live on my own away from my family. When the admissions office offered me the job I took it without hesitation.
Again, it was never something I wanted to do but I figured I could stay for a few years and see where it went. The pay is fine, it has decent benefits, I work from home, and I get full tuition coverage to complete a degree here if I choose to (so I started a master's degree at the beginning of this year). However, there are also a lot of problems that have led me to the point I'm at now. Everything from work processes that are constantly changing and have changed dramatically since I started here, strict performance metrics that also change often, and micromanaging. All of this leads to a lot of frustration among the employees. The management says a lot of nice things to try to make us feel comfortable with all of it but I'm not really convinced that they care all that much about our well being because things rarely ever change for the better. It seems all they care about is their precious numbers and metrics. Personally, I've always had a lot of anxiety around talking with the students all day every day and the constant unknown of what every situation will bring. But still, I decided to stick it out, mainly for the tuition coverage and because I felt like it would be too difficult to find a new job and it was easier to stay where I was comfortable.
I've tried for a long time to make myself like this job but recently, I've just reached a breaking point and I've decided I can't do this anymore. The stress and pressure I feel in this job is probably literally going to kill me one day. I never feel like I'm doing good enough because the expectations are impossible. I cry at work often because I feel so worthless. I don't feel like the job is benefitting me or will get me anywhere in life. There are so many other people who work here that probably are genuinely passionate about it and I can't fault them for that, but I can't even bring myself to pretend anymore.
I've always worked in extremely high-stress situations like the newspaper from before or various retail and food service jobs. I'm already a very anxious person to begin with and being in an environment like that leaves me feeling extremely stressed out and drained. And I've come to realize that part of the problem is me. I've never had much of a clear direction of where I wanted to go with my life. I never felt like I was good enough at anything like math or science, I like the arts but I never thought I was good enough to get anywhere with that, and while I enjoy English, I never wanted to be a teacher. So I settled with communications because I felt like writing was the only thing I was good at and I was always told I needed a career but after the awful experience at the newspaper, I can't bring myself to do journalism anymore. I've never been intentional about finding a job and I've always just taken whatever was thrown at me out of desperation because I never felt like I was worth more.
Well I've decided no more of that. I've started making plans to leave this job. After a lot of self-reflection, I've realized it's not worth it anymore. I'm looking for things in a field that I enjoy in the hope's of building a decent career for myself and just being happy, regardless of if I get tuition coverage or not.
I guess the point that I'm trying to make here is that you don't have to settle. If you're so gravely unhappy in a job, don't stay because you're comfortable and don't stay just for the benefits because it will end up driving away your happiness in the end.