I'm only 20. But I already don't know how much longer I can do this. I am suffocated by 40 hours a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year. There is no time off. I don't have time to see my family. I have no friends, because I had no time for them. All of my hobbies have run dry. I used to get only 4-6 hours of sleep a day because I was desperately grasping for free time but my body and mind couldn't handle it anymore. Now I sleep for 10-12 hours a day because I'm exhausted, have barely any free time, and I am so extremely miserable. When I wake up I don't want to get out of bed because I know I just have to leave for work in a couple hours, which I can only spend showering, eating, and cleaning my house, and then go back to sleep again. There's no reason to get up.
There is no light at the end of the tunnel. I am doing this for no reason. I will probably never be able to retire. At no point will I be able to work less, or own a home, or have my life back. I'm grinding and grinding and grinding until I die, for nothing. I don't give a shit about the little things. A sunset doesn't make this life worth living. My pets don't make this life worth it. A good day here and there doesn't make this life worth living. I don't want to cling to little things, I want a good life. I want to wake up in the morning and have a reason to get out of bed. I want to find and follow my passions, I want to do my hobbies. I want friends, and my family. I want a community. I want to be useful. I want to do something beneficial to people around me. I don't want to spend money sitting therapy for no reason. I don't want to pay for happy pills. I don't have depression, I don't have a chemical imbalance. I have a horrible, shitty, dead-end fucking life. I don't want to work forever. I don't want to do 40 hours a week anymore. I want to feel like a fucking human being again instead of a machine. I want to enjoy this life while I have it. I have one life and I'm spending it doing this and wishing I was never born because I don't have a choice, because some rich fuck's hoard is more important than human life. Than the whole fucking earth.
I'm not burnt out, I'm beyond that. I'm just done. I am so done. I don't want to do this for another 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years. I just want to be done. I want to be a person, and not an employee.