I really cannot find even my own low threshold of success. I just want a job where I’m appreciated and I make a livable wage. I’ve been fired from every job I’ve ever had. I used to think the problem was my addiction. But here I am more than a year sober and getting fired again. So my dream has changed. Jobs aren’t for me. Society isn’t for me. I’m a square peg in a round hole.
I just want a quiet cabin in the woods. Internet, a garden, a rifle and sustenance lifestyle. That’s not possible either because I’m not allowed the land on the planet I was born. It requires vast sums of money that I’ve never been allowed to hoard. So back I go, find another job, live in the society and hope that my child finds more peace in this world then I was allowed. Hope I can find a way for her to be happy. Because today right now I don’t think that’s possible for me. Tomorrow I’ll distract myself with the tasks…it won’t feel so desperate. Tomorrow I’ll trudge on one step at a time and gather my nuts for winter. Sorry for the doom and gloom. I’m just feeling sorry for myself.
never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.
- DH Lawrence.