So I finally did it; I (Masc 35) quit my corporate BS job as an IT Project Manager and became a house Spouse. You can see my original post here. But in short, I was tired of working and making other people work to grow corporate profits. My partner received an offer to be a full-time farm hand, so I quit my BS job and became the happily unemployed primary care-taker of our 5yo. Here are some reflections and a few tips:
- IT'S GREAT!!! – My stress has gone way down. I have time to think, to forage for edibles in local parks, to write, and to just exist. I really enjoy the housework, and I know that this is not the same experience for all care-takers. But it has really become much more enjoyable doing these tasks since I'm not cramming my share in in the last couple hours of each day. I've also been enjoying connecting with my family in ways I never could while I was working. It's fantastic having bandwidth for them again.
- Money's tight, but it's going okay – We took a 67% pay drop when we switched. But we've been able to cut and consolidate quite a few expenses including: canceled nearly all subscriptions, buying food and supplies in bulk (dammit Costco!), getting most of our produce as part of my partner's pay, and getting Obamacare (see next point)
- Healthcare and caring for our health – Healthcare.gov: Obamacare definitely feels like a shitty workaround for what should be a single-payer system. But that said, there is quite a bit of help out there. It gives you a tax credit that pays out directly to your insurer. Our entire premium is covered, and we have a $10k family deductible (this is ridiculous, but $10k is a lot smaller bill to pay off than godknowswhat
$k$m). I will caution, MAKE SURE YOU GET A PLAN THAT PAYS EVERYTHING AFTER YOUR DEDUCTIBLE!!! There are a lot of plans on there that only cover 25% or 40% after you already hit $10k. We don't plan to use this plan except for our kid's wellness checkup, and trauma emergencies. Otherwise, we are crossing our fingers and hoping the reduced stress, eating well, and herbal support (my partner's an herbalist, and we make our own tinctures, decoctions, etc.) will stave off anything not existentially threating. - The labor is way less alienating – There is still plenty of exertion involved in my day-to-day life (ask a parent near you!), but that labor is for us and for our community (not working to make some rich motherfucker richer). Much of my “work” is play (hiking to find mushrooms and spring greens, playing with my kid, repairing household items, etc.). There are still fake capitalist type tasks I have to complete (taxes, insurance, etc.). But I'm not spending 40 hours a week to make some oligarch richer.
- It's a mindfuck to de-program my brain – Leisure still generates a feeling of wasting time. I knw that taking care of my family and consuming less by being idle are both great for me, my family, my community, and my planet. But damn, the capitalists pounded their work ethic and need for production deep in my head. But I'm learning to sit with it. I also call BS on all the folks who praise moms for staying home with their kids, cause geez do they give out the stink-eye when a dad does it.
- We aren't to a steady state yet – and we may never be. Life changes all the time. I'm probably going to need to take up some night or weekend work (yup, wage work) to keep us afloat for now. But we're trying to use this time to posture ourselves to start a farm collective (bought and owned in equal shares with a few other households).
Lastly, if you're still here . . . quit your job. It's for your health. Your job is wasting your time, life, and planet. Keep struggling to manifest leisure.