Please be patient, this is a bit long. I've tried to be succinct, but there's a lot to include that I think is relevant. I would really appreciate your feedback.
I've been at my company for 16 years. I was hired as a graphic artist for a department they created for me, making team and corporate logos/apparel, etc. The department quickly gained ground, sales increased every year. We gained the ability to hire additional staff; sales rep, production crew, admins. I went from the graphic artist to becoming the lead of this department. This includes being the main sales representative(commission free, of course).
Company added in-house production, including 7 machines each with different modes of operation. I learnt them all. Learnt them well enough to train anyone new coming into the department.
My boss decided we needed to tap the online market, so decided that we should offer online stores as a free service to our clients. I was tasked with learning how to build, operate and maintain all the online stores.
When I was originally hired I had a different manager, who was a micro manager but gave me reviews, feedback, and a raise within the first year. Then the owner of the company stepped back and his son took over, and rearranged the company, becoming my boss.
He doesn't believe in reviews, because “anyone asking for a review is only asking for a raise” and says that the company watches to see who is exceeding their expectations and reward accordingly. My job has increased every year and I don't even get a “good job”. He's also the HR rep. So the owner is my boss is my HR rep, so there is no one I can even talk to about this within the company. I hear from him about once a month. I make all the decisions in here, the budgets, it may as well be my company but I see no profits or shares.
I have gotten 3 raises in 16 years. 1 year one, the second 6 years ago when I found out someone hired for my department to work under me was hired at a hire salary, the third this year which was to match inflation(5%, when our inflation was 7.5%, so essentially a pay cut). My last bonus was in 2008, management always citing targets not being met(this company brings in 8 figures annually, and my department always exceeds targets and margins.
Throughout the pandemic we were completely shut down, I was still making sales from home, bringing in revenue for the company. This year I was the sole department within the company that was 26% above their targeted sales goals, when I brought this up with my boss, I was told “I have to put it in the report, people always want to shut this department down”. Gee thanks.
Within the last 2 years we have been hemorrhaging staff. 1 by 1, they have left, my boss opting not to bring in new hires. Instead, I have been tasked with taking on each leaving employees duties. I am now the sales rep, graphic artist, admin, production head, sales coordinator, online sales rep. AC broke down and its too expensive to fix, so my office is on average 30-35 degrees each day.
I am burning out. I cannot sustain this workload or the pressure on my shoulders daily. I wake up in the middle of the night mid anxiety attack knowing how much is waiting for me at work. I'm in a constant state of anxiety, dizzy or enraged.
I've tried applying for jobs within my very weirdly niche field and get nowhere, so I always end up still here trying to believe I have it good somehow.
I don't have a new job lined up. I don't have a plan. I have savings I could live comfortably on for a few months. All I hear is companies are desperate for staff, but no one seems to be getting hired. I worry I won't be able to find something when time comes.
Would it be a tremendous mistake to just let myself become unemployed right now for a while so I can sort myself out? I feel like I'm trapped in a toxic relationship and have myself convinced I can never do better if I leave, but I think if I stay I might end up worse off mentally and physically than I am now.
I'm scared to leave, and I'm more scared to stay. Please share your thoughts, opinions, stories. Ask questions if you have any.
Thanks in advance everyone.