I am depressed. I have been for the better part of my adult life. It took me 3 extra years to finish high school and I didn't go to college until I was 25. I'm now 27 and I have a job as a caseworker at a women's shelter. I still have to remind myself everyday that I'm not a failure.
I make alright money, not very competitive for the field but enough to live (with a roommate). I have been out with covid for a week and will be out for a week more. I realized that my entire life is working. I work, then stress about work at home, then go back to work. I have no hobbies and do nothing besides try and get the best possible career outcomes. Why? Because it's intrinsically tied to my self worth.
My generation is the generation that was told we could do anything. Man or woman, black or white, it doesn't matter. We are all capable of greatness. It's a nice thought. But it also implies that we MUST be great. That we have been given every opportunity and if we don't succeed it is a fundamental flaw inside of us. I didn't realize how much it impacted me until I stopped working for a minute. I actually asked my managers for work to do at home, which they wouldn't even give me. I can't take two weeks to relax (I do have sick days) because I feel as though if I'm not productive I do not deserve to be alive.
I don't know why I'm writing this or how to stop feeling this way. I thought some of you may be able to empathize.