Two years ago I announced to my friends and family that I had found the only job I care to do. I went on and on about how I could never quit teaching, and especially not quit at the school I was at. I loved waking up in the morning and getting ready for work. I taught 5th grade reading and loved my kids. I worked at a title I school, and the behavior was in fact very challenging. But I felt like I was born to handle these kids and get them to where they needed to be to achieve successful literacy levels.
Things started to get extremely difficult in the fall of this year. A new student came around and on her second day at school, she picked up a desk and threw it at my partner, who is 65 years old. She crippled her knee and the ambulance was called. All of the staff and admin asked “what did the teacher do to set her off? She had to have done something.” My partner teacher had to explain that she was asking the student not to tap her pencil while she was teaching and that she could save the drums for lunch. The student told her “fuck you.” That’s when the teacher got up to call admin, and that’s when the student chucked the desk. All of the other traumatized kids corroborated the story, but it didn’t matter. That student is 5’9, weighs over 200 pounds, and has a mood disorder. Thirty days later, they brought her back into school and now I would be her full time teacher.
All year, the kids have been given no consequences and more rights than me. Boys have threatened to kill me when I’ve told them they don’t get free time if they don’t do their work. Girls have taken photos of my teacher friends and posted them on social media with hideous captions. Admin tells us they give consequences, but the students are back the next day. This includes students who have slapped teacher’ asses, shoved me against a wall when I’ve asked them to not break the door down, and called me ugly names in front of the kids.
Of course, the majority of the kids are amazing and hard working and kind. But the constant allowance of a minority group to have more rights with worst behavior has become miserable for us all. I hit my breaking point this week.
A boy, in the middle of a nation wide test, refused to take it. He kept getting up and poking at others. Students begged me to make him stop but he literally said “you can’t tell me what to fucking do, can you?” I reached to take him the district computer he was using. He grabbed my hands and pushed them away. “Please do not lay your hands on me again.” I told him. In response to this, admin told me I had to have provoked him. “You can’t take things from the kids.” They said.
All spring my resting heart rate has been 90. I’ve developed asthma and insomnia. I’m only 25 years old and at a very healthy weight. Yet I’ve never felt physically or mentally worse. After family and friends offering their insight and essentially begging me to take care of myself, I’ve sadly put in my letter for no return to next year. I’m heartbroken over my decision, and feel terribly guilty. But I’m also hoping to find a remote job where I can be at home for a bit, relax, and live a life with a healthy body and mind.
Are there any other teachers out there who have been similarly struggling?