I turned in my letter of resignation at my job this past week. My official last day is in August, allowing me to double dip on GI Bill benefits and having a full time job to save up for the winter. After that I'll have my VA disability, full time GI bill benefits, and I'm thinking of selling my crochet at the local farmer's market for the last couple of months it's open.
The job itself is a mixed bag; I love the people and the work feels like it makes a real difference, but there are a few notable issues that make me glad to go: The transphobic nurse who's called gender non-conforming patients “things” twice, the administration that did nothing about it even after I complained about it both times… And the boss who is a nice person, but perhaps not a great manager.
I used to get really bent out of shape when she'd call me into her office to give me a warning about something. In hindsight, a lot of it was PTSD. When I was in the Air Force, I'd get called into my flight chief's office to be screamed at and berated over the smallest things. She once asked if I had a learning disability, gaslit me after I told someone that she said she was going to administratively discharge me… I don't think I ever left her office not in tears. So my kneejerk stress reaction to being in my current boss' office being reprimanded was originally to cry, even if I wasn't actually that upset.
That changed about a month ago. I told Big Boss a week ahead that hey, I'm out of my meds, it's gonna be awhile before I can get a refill, I might not be banging on all cylinders until then. I have severe ADHD and would not only be dealing with those symptoms but also the symptoms of not being on the medication I've been on continuously for like… a year and a half? She said she understood, no big deal, don't worry. I've been very upfront about this because of how it affects my work and the fact that the VA makes refilling my ADHD meds a hassle and a half.
Well, that next week was a shitshow. It was the full moon, I guess, and everyone was running around like chickens with their heads cut off. My supervisor was out sick and Big Boss decided to choose that week to just… micromanage the shit out of the front desk. Literally stood behind me while I was talking to patients and would talk over me if she thought I wasn't explaining something right. Worked here for a year, apparently I still don't know how to do my job.
Well, the next week I was medicated again and everything was good. But I sensed something on the horizon. I knew I was gonna get written up, because the previous week I'd been frazzled and a little short with Big Boss. My supervisor was back and shock of shocks, I got pulled into the office and given a documented verbal warning about “ignoring global alerts” (basically if a patient is missing something in their chart, some paperwork or whatever, a little alert pops up).
I was fucking pissed.
I nodded along as she explained it, then pointed out that A) I wasn't ignoring them, I just forgot to update them, which is easy to do when things get hectic and B) that's because I was out of my meds, which she knew because C) I told her that I was out of my medication and that that was going to effect my work performance. Which she acknowledged and told me not to worry.
She admitted that yes, I had told her this but me “ignoring” alerts still been 'an issue' (last time it was brought up was last summer, when I was still relatively new and tended to forget to update them out of a lack of familiarity) so she's gonna make a documented verbal warning. She also mentioned that I apparently scheduled someone for a physical they didn't need and that it was on the alert that they shouldn't be scheduled for that; when I asked for the patient's name so I could check that and figure out why I scheduled it, she said I didn't need that and I just needed to be more conscious of the alerts.
I didn't cry. I wrote a note on the warning that I don't ignore alerts and disagree strongly with the wording on the write up, signed it, and walked out of the room.
Later, my supervisor said she was really proud of me that I kept it together but that I also looked like I wanted to jump across the desk and strangle Big Boss. She thought it was hilarious.
Since then, I've basically grown a spine. Apparently Big Boss has noticed and isn't super thrilled about the fact that I openly challenge her now rather than collapse like a flan in a cupboard. I'm sticking around long enough for them to train someone and have someone experienced for the big back to school fair this summer but then I'm going back to school to become a paralegal, the way I've always wanted to.
I liked working there, despite it all. Most of the people were cool, and some of the patients are the kindest, most lovely people you'll ever meet who I'll genuinely regret not seeing regularly anymore. At least one I'll go out of my way to see; she works at Wal-Mart. I like to think I've made a difference in people's lives or even just their days here, whether they're coworkers or patients. I've made a point to ask and update people's gender identities in the system, put their preferred names and pronouns on the global alert (with their permission), and the way their faces light up when I notice them say “it'll be under [feminine name]” and I ask “Do you have a preferred name and pronouns you'd like me to put in the alerts?” sticks with me in the best way.
And on that note, it's been so awesome to see parents who come in with gender non-conforming teens and even kids who they support and are relieved when I ask if I want the kid's preferred name and pronouns put in the system. It makes me happy to see parents support their kids as they figure out who they are, especially in the red state I live in.
But the biggest thing I've gained from this job is that I think I can go into a boss' office without sobbing, and that's big. I feel like a crossed a line in my ability to stand up for myself and other people, not just biting my tongue and feeling bad about it. Which means I'm probably better equipped now to be a paralegal than I was before this job.