So this is like my second post ever and I really messed up my first so I'll do my best here. I'm not really sure where to start this whole thing has been a mess. So I have the best job I've ever had right now. 22/hr with nothing but a ged. It's a warehouse job where we pre-build walls for construction sites, not too hard of a job but it is really physical, on my best days I come home exhausted and sore. Well here's where things went sideways. Last October I was running an osb saw. For those of you who don't know osb are the sheets of 3/4 inch plywood that you use when framing a house and the ones we use are between 8 and 10 feet. Anyway I was working the saw and the dust vac wasn't working and hadn't been working for at least a few months. I went to throw some scrap into to near by dumpster I slipped and landed on my elbow. I'm a pretty big dude so that was like 300 pounds right on my elbow. Lots of pain but I let boss convince I'd be ok and didn't need a doc, dumb I know but like I said I like my job so between that and the pain my judgement wasn't completely clear. They gave me 2 days off told me to rest and ice it up and all that. I tried to come back but the pain was just too much and after another 2 weeks I finally couldn't take it anymore and went to the doc. The doc couldn't find anything wrong so I just tried to grin and bear it and more forward like I do for everything else. Fast forward to this February. I had been trying my best but the daily pain would get so bad sometimes I couldn't get out of bed so was probably missing a lot more work than I should and my job was on the line. So I was back on that same saw, I went to pick up the sheets of osb off the saw and I felt popping in my arm from my elbow up to my shoulder and I completely lost control of my arm. The pain I mean I have never felt anything like it, it was so bad that everything after that is a little foggy almost like trying to remember a dream. It turns out I completely tore my bicep tendon. I had surgery to repair it they kept me out of work for six weeks. I went back and have been doing physical therapy and I'm on light duty. There really isn't any light duty where I work but they are trying to give me stuff to do but I always end up having to push my limit. I'm in constant pain. My wrist my elbow and my shoulder the pain seems to jump between them but there's always pain. I haven't worked a full week since I've been back. My money situation is depressing so I have to work as much as I can but most of the time I don't even want to get out of bed. I can't sleep I can't eat I don't know what to do. My job is on the line again. They wrote me up for missing too much time so now I have to get doctor notes for any day I miss or I'm fired. Last week I overheard my boss talking about how even with the notes I've become unreliable and they need to do something about it. So I guess they are looking for a reason to fire me. He even said it can't be as bad as I say and I'm just being lazy. I feel lazy I feel worthless I feel trapped. I need the money I need to work. I try to push myself and ignore the pain but it's too much. It's all just too much. Thank you for allowing me my little rant and dealing with my terrible writing skills.