I‘m in a managing position in a company that I already work in for 15 years.
In the last 3 years, my private life got pretty fucked up.
I had a stable and more or less worryless life, that I decided to give up, for „something better“.
Didn‘t turn out to be like that… yet.
Whatever, from this change in my life I never really recovered yet and propably drove me into a depression.
One of the changes that I feel is that I cannot handle my job anymore. I feel weak and I can‘t be that manager that my team would need.
I‘m unmotivated, I‘m scared of bad feedback and basically feel a constant stress/panic feeling all day.
It was different before this change in my life. I felt more self-confident and motivated.
When i had a 2 week vacation, after covid it was the first time I really felt this worryless feeling again. No constant pressure inside.
Now I have this thought in my head to take a break. Maybe 6 months to a year.
I have some savings and could survive if I cut some expenses.
I want to take a tome off, continue to work on some skills I am really enthusiastic about (programming) and even use this time to re-orientate in my career.
I struggle, because when I think back 5 years, there were times when I thought my life couldn’t be better. I had what I needed and had really deep inner peace.
Now this feeling is as far away as it can get.
And to quit my safe job and be there with nothing at all doesn’t sound like the next „clever“ step in life.
But I also know that I am not getting happy in my job anymore, maybe one day I‘ll even get kicked out because my performance significantly decreased during the last 3 years.
Anyone has been in a similar situation?
Can a break help to get back on track? To sort things out or to find new motivation in life and job?