I have been definitely downplaying the severity of how burnt out I have been at this job. It should be a perfect situation: a job I went to college for and in my field. I should be happy. This job has been a severely underpaid hell for the last six years.
I gained 40 lbs, worsening my anxiety, depression, and plus I have ADHD. I sit behind a computer for 8 hours. I can't eat at work because I am so sick to my stomach and developed a binge eating disorder as a coping mechanism for the stress. I cry in the bathrooms. I am micromanaged. I am so friendly and polite to everyone but I feel that just waning by the hostility I get from some managers. I feel like I am treated like an idiot. Some managers talk about how COVID is “no worse than the flu” and gripe about people calling out sick. This place is so toxic and I feel suicidal like once a month.
My therapist, my dietician, my doctor, my family, my boyfriend, friends ALL want me out of this job. Any job is better than this freaking job so I tried to find a job where I could be me: outgoing, energetic, friendly. I used to work at a gym and loved every minute of it, I loved moving around, didn't mind being on my feet for 8 hours (yay comfy shoes). I didn't make much money so I had to take this corporate job.
So I found something similar: barista. They love my personality and want to hire me tomorrow. It's about as much as I get paid at my current job. I start training tomorrow and I feel relief finally but overwhelming guilt. I want to just never come back to my horrible job. I don't care if I need a recommendation down the line, they are so toxic I don't want them to recommend me for anything.
Someone please take me by my shoulders and verbally shake me that I can quit my horrible job because I have Stockholm syndrome lmao. I know they wouldn't give me notice on firing me, so why should I?
EDIT: Thanks everyone I know I can count on you guys to knock some sense into me. Not going in tomorrow.