Hello everyone,
In this post, you will all learn how to make maximum profits as a capitalist.
The first thing you must understand is that you have a limited amount of time and being successful is all about teamwork. Because you are more significant and important than most other people, you can buy their time. Be sure to search for the most desperate, low self-esteem, uneducated, and dependent people you can find, as you can often squeeze out much more work for the money and avoid compliance costs of pesky laws because they don't know about them, making those employees or contractors a better value.
The good thing about you is that your family likely has a good deal of money and that's really all you need. You don't even need an original idea! So just find the biggest pushovers who have great ideas and are fairly smart, and pay them as little as possible to make your ideas a reality while you micromanage as much as possible! Maybe make something like a business idea contest to sniff out the diamonds in the rough.
Found a high school graduate who has to take care of a kid and a wife? Perfect! Found out that someone has expensive loans or is just bad with finances? Perfect! Found someone who doesn't know employment laws? Perfect! You've just found your lowest cost employees.
Another great tip is to contract people so you don't have to provide them benefits and so you can hold their job over their heads whenever you want! Better yet, contract them, and then sell them insurance through the company, to make them more dependent on employment. This can also be great because you can require contractors to have to provide their own equipment and effectively pay you to work!
Always make sure you are using advanced monitoring systems to be able to make sure no employee is saying anything that might make you look bad, and that no employee is slacking off on the clock. Remember that their time is your money, so don't waste a bit of it!
Once you are big enough, you can go public and pay the right marketing agencies to hype up your company so that everyone pours plenty of money into your company. Then, put out news strategically and work with institutional investors to create an optimal method to transfer as much money from smaller investors to you and your friends as possible.
If your own country has too much well-being, education, or too many pesky laws, just go to a country that does not have whichever issues you're concerned about! Here is a list of things you can do to ensure future sustainability of your business in the country of your choosing:
- Make sure and even lobby and conspire so that birth rates remain high (through banning legal and safe abortion). You always want new workers on the way and born into households that will likely be more dependent on you.
- Donate to public schools to eliminate financial education so people remain bad with money and teach children to think that getting a job is the only way to survive in society. Make sure they get into college and get as many student loan as as they can so that keeps them working even longer! They don't need to know you can start your own business, do gigs, freelance, or get certifications.
- Lobby for placement of plenty restrictions to make it hard for people or companies to get into your market space. For example, through pricey certifications and professional requirements, this will reduce competition for you.
- Lobby for the fact that your product is very important and everyone should be legally mandated and forced, however possible, to have one or use it.
- Make sure to get people into as much debt as possible. Lobby to make that type of debt non-bankruptable so you can make sure people always pay for your product, however important it is, by garnishing their wages over their lifetime, for example.
- Make sure to put of plenty of propaganda that ties self-worth to jobs, especially yours. This way people will never feel good about themselves if they are not working for you.
- Make self-sustenance illegal or difficult because it reduces workforce participation. No off-grid farms or whatever, people should always need to buy from your company to keep the economy flowing well.
- Conspire with other companies to raise prices of essential goods like energy, housing, and transport. so they cannot afford to own anything, and so they can only afford to rent and are always dependent on having to work.
- Lobby the government to raise tax rates on average people and then lobby the government to give your company that same taxpayer money as handouts or through very important contracts.
- Labor does not have to be happy or even consensual. Just make sure to keep quiet on these topics and distant through contracts and subsidiaries. It's cheap if no one finds out!
- Make sure to form great connections with politicians. They really appreciate and need those multi-million dollar, no strings attached gifts. Even a couple million dollars can help change the laws to your favor, so you can effectively control millions of people through only a few people at the top! This also helps because when you get in trouble, it is with your buddies who will give you a pat on the shoulder and console you after you are caught.
- Ensure that you prevent workers from teaming together against your business. You always want to be able to find a scab in case workers get upset for whatever insignificant reasons. Make sure to engrain in their minds to not bite the hand that feeds them, even when the feed is poo.
- Start to diversify into companies and sectors that control essential needs, like housing, higher education, food, energy, transportation, and medical care. People need these a lot, which is why you can raise prices and conspire with other companies to raise prices as much as you want with less issues than if they had options!
- Create companies that make problems for society and other companies that make solutions. Like companies selling highly processed foods and then medical/healthcare companies to solve the problems those highly processed foods create! Or make people feel insecure or hopeless about themselves and then sell them your materialistic solution to surely fix all their problems!
- Once you have tons of money and there are no good deals to go around because everyone also has tons of money from loans, ask your friends in the government to increase interest rates. Soon enough, there will be plenty of cheap assets to buy up once another recession is triggered when people default on those loans because the interest rates went up.
- Make sure you stay in close contact with other companies and let employees know if they act up, everyone will know. Make their first big mistake their last.
- Give employees as small raises as possible, but give them an idea that they will get a larger than expected raise, and make up for it with small gifts and presents or even a small bonus. Keep things sporadic and unpredictable.
- Make sure to keep pay and job descriptions variable, hidden, and cryptic, in case you want to offer people lower pay or change up their job function on the spot to something different than described.
- Make sure to micromanage and monitor people all the time, and make them as afraid as possible to make mistakes so they are on their best behavior. You can tell people what to do and not have to work!
- Always replace workers with machines when cheaper and increase automation, even if customers or employees complain. Automate things as much as possible so you always can be on your yacht and never have to work again.
- Make sure to use a tipping/gratuity system wherever possible. This helps you reduce your own expenses and is great if your business is not as profitable. Even if customers pay more money, they surely feel good about tipping.
- Make sure to sue anyone who has anything remotely competitive to you and try to take up as much patent space and intellectual property protections as possible. Especially if you have more money, you can just bury the perpetrators under legal fees whether they are right or wrong.
This concludes the guide on how to make maximum profit as a capitalist. You all may volunteer more ideas (without pay and for free).