It took 16 years of concerted, purposeful, nearly undaunted effort, but I found a truly great boss!
Job 1: while a grad student in a Masters program I was running a clinical research lab at a university. My married boss had an affair with an undergrad student who worked for me. I didn't report it because I knew how the world works. I did encourage him not to be in that relationship. I encouraged her to find another job on campus. Did they listen? Of course not. Were they discrete? He brought her to an international conference with a ton of people who know him and that he was married. So, the other employees found out, they lodged a complaint and I was compelled as their supervisor to forward it to HR. You get one guess who got blamed when HR spoke to boss man. The female worker on my team was dismissed. I was mistreated by my boss. Nothing happened to him. I found another job as fast as I could.
Job 2: Still as a graduate student I worked for another male boss. This time he was just lazy and cow towed to the whiney assistant because he couldn't be bothered about anything. He hardly even came to work. On my annual review, even though I had stellar evaluations, he said “people” complained about me. But he couldn't site one example of anything I did wrong. He couldn't name one specific thing I needed to do differently. I ended up hiding in my office and not talking to anyone but the students. I kept getting stellar evaluations. Finally he stepped down. Thank heavens, or so I thought.
Same Job Boss 3: pretended to be my friend but fell prey to the same secretary, who was like Grima Wormtongue. By this time I had my doctorate and was basically an indentured servant, as is the case for lecturers and assistant professors. (Anyone who wants tenure can count on working 80 hours or more a week and having our work stolen.) This boss gained full professor rank putting their name on my work and there was nothing I could do. I had children, it was during the great recession. I almost landed another job but they lost their funding. I was trapped.
I found another job as soon as I could. I was physically sick by the time I did. In fact, I had achieved tenure. I was finally at the point I wouldn't have to eat dirt anymore. But I was so burned out I leaped at the first opportunity to run my own lab.
Job 3: the CIO and CEO were commiting federal crimes, I found out after a year. The people who were called to testify by the State Attorney General's office in the trial against these two people ended up getting fired. The CIO escaped to another state and the CEO was convicted of federal crimes but kept their job. I high tailed out of there before I could be called to testify.
Job 4: Boss insisted I violate research regulations because someone else was having a tantrum about having to follow the regulations that protect human subjects. It was an annoyance to this boss and they were similar to an earlier boss. I ended up searching again for a job where there wasn't illegal or vile mistreatment.
Job 5: I thought I finally found a good boss. It really seemed like it. It was good for a few years. But I ran into more situations that where foul and something borderline illegal was happening. I couldn't allow it. I don't have it in me to go along with mistreatment of others. I did the right thing. The boss supported me taking the action I did. The outside counsel also said it was the right thing to do. But again noisy people raised a ruckus and the boss acted like they never knew me. The people involved came after me in mob fashion even though I could prove I did the right thing.
This is the point at which I finally quit without a replacement job. I was broken. My faith in there being any shred of humanity in any boss was dead. I couldn't withstand any more. I didn't give a thought to how I would live. I felt empty inside.
Job 6 (boss #7 and 8): I landed a job paying 33% of what I was previously making. I had to work three jobs and hustle like hell. At first I had a good boss. But then I was transferred to another department and the new boss was a raging narcissist. Holy f'ing no way! Not again! I was only there for 2 months. I had been unemployed for 3 months before that. I couldn't quit again. I started having heart arrhythmia and kept getting sicker.
But there was a tiny, little crack of sunlight at the other end of this long, dank, morbid, foul cave that has been my so-called career… another boss who I wanted to work for. I set out to make my way to that team. I would do just about anything. I created several new treatments and one of them was incredibly effective. That got the attention of this magic boss.
Job 7 (boss 9): so far it's been 3 years. It's been incredible and my team is creating new and better treatments, publishing amazing findings, and majorly kicking ass. I have always performed well in every job because I care about patients and students. But now I'm performing like a miracle worker. I know that sounds like bragging, but just feel so amazed by all the things we are accomplishing. All the pent up creativity from these lost years of abuse and discouragement has been let loose. It's more fun than I can begin to describe.
It really is all down to the boss and if that boss is able to treat people well. The boss can't be great if the people above them don't let them. I have at least 15 more years to go. I'm excited about the difference we can make if we continue to be allowed to work.
Because that's what it really comes down to. I have never been really allowed to work. I was always expected to cover for the assh@@@ moves of my bosses. Now I am more productive and effective than I've ever been because my boss let's me work the way I need to, within the boundaries of law and ethics. That's really all I ever needed and it seemed through 6 other jobs and 8 other bosses, it was too much to ask.