Just screaming into the void with this one.
For the last 2 years the longest time off I’ve had is public holidays and the odd sick day. Which was at most 4 days consecutively. In that time I spent most of it doing house work and not a significant time for just me and what I wanted. After burn out was really kicking in and with my 25th birthday coming I put in for 5 days off. When the roster came out my supervisor even set it so I had 2 extra free day which was extremely kind considering the staff shortage. Had some great time with family, few days to be lazy and just relax. Would have gone on a proper holiday if I had a longer period off and more prep time.
Today is my second day back. It felt like an anxiety reaction, but it hit me that this is it. This is what I have to look forward to for the next however many years until retirement. Years of work with a week or two in between. That doesn’t feel like living. It made me feel so awful that when my break eventually came I went to my car and cried it out.
I genuinely feel that I’d live more if I just quit my job, made a bucket list, burn out whatever I’ve got left and go to sleep happy. Would do it properly if there wasn’t so many other responsibilities. But then again I’m still young and others out there have it way worse. Still feels bad.
Righto, winge is over.