Yep. So Ive tried being a chef / manager twice now, and it never works out. Im competent, good at what I do, and I care about my people but… The immediate burn out is incredible. The first time it took a year, I tried to unionize my folks but it didnt work out and I left.
Next job was a much smaller kitchen, and our chef left due to being overworked, and under paid. The owners said they wanted to change things and put less pressure on those in charge, so I accepted it… Fuckin 46k a year! My god! Thats… So much money to me, and yet it really, really isnt a lot of money. But, within the week I immediately fell back into the ol' anxiety whirlpool. I thought maybe it would pass… But it got worse and worse, until I was dissociating, having horrible intrusive thoughts etc. Despite that I carried the kitchen well I think… But I backed down from the position.
And after some thinking I think… Maybe… Im just not one to dedicate my life to working. Which, as a chef… Your life basically HAS to be work. You wake up to tests from distributors, from employees, from owners with questions. My job is to answer these things because they often need a timely answer- Not when I show up at work. The thought of always being thinking about work is… Not appealing, at all.
So… Maybe Im just a worker. Which Im fine with. But then you realize the low wages line cooks- Even skilled ones make. Im making 15$ an hour. I turned down a 46k a year job for 15$ an hour… Which isnt even a living wage where Im from.
So… Its just kind of frustrating I guess. Im a hard worker. Im very good at what I do. I know a ton about cooking, Ive helped open a few restaurants, Ive been a chef, I can prep, run lines, do wtf ever… But all of that isnt worth a living wage. Which just seems so… Unfair somehow. Like, why should I have to be the boss to make a wage that isnt a joke? Why cant I just enjoy my brief time in the sun? Why do I need to make my life about work, and have all sorts of responsibilities, just to make a good paycheque?
I guess I have other options… But office work is soul crushing for me. Im good at cooking, why isnt that good enough? Why should I do something I dont wish to do just to make ends meet? Im a fairly neuro divergent person, and Ive learned that my brain latches onto certain things, and totally rejects others. Throw me on a kitchen line and Ill do great. Throw me behind a desk? Try to teach me to code? Not going to go so well. Its just the way it is- I still try to learn new things, but it is very, very difficult for me to do so.
Anyways thats all I have to say. Bit of a rant. Just sad you cant just be good at what you do, and make enough to not constantly worry about how Im going to pay my rent.