I would like to share a little story with you from a long time ago that I think (hope) many of you will enjoy.
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I had a batch job one time.
It took 10 minutes to run.
Hit the button, wait 10 minutes, get results.
It was a 3rd party vendor, hosted black box kind of thing. I had no control over this system other than making sure the inputs were right and pressing the run button.
Boss comes to me one time while I'm still working on the inputs and demands the output. I say it's going to take me another few minutes to vet the inputs and 10 more to run it.
“I want it on my desk in five minutes.”
I tried to explain that this is not humanly possible. He wouldn't hear it.
“Five minutes. On my desk. No excuses.”
I said, even if the inputs are right, it will still take 10 minutes to generate. I needed 20 minutes, minimum.
He would. not. hear. it. He demanded I hit the button immediately and give him the results in 5. So, I hit the button immediately and tried to tell him it would be done in 10, but he stormed off before I could say another word.
I swear to you, he must have set a timer because he was back at my desk five minutes later on the dot demanding the results file.
I pointed at the screen and said it was running and there was nothing more I could do. He was fuming.
Five minutes later, he's back at my desk just as I'm grabbing the results off the printer. He takes one look at them and has an absolute fit that they aren't right. Tells me that I'm incompetent, that a monkey could do my job, that all I do is press a button, etc.
I pointed out that he wouldn't give me time to check the inputs and had demanded I run it immediately.
Eventually, it sunk in that yelling at me wasn't going to get him his report any sooner. “How long until I can get a correct report?”
Twenty more minutes, minimum.
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End Note: That boss is dead now in what I promise are unrelated circumstances.