CW: thoughts of self harm, capitalist bullshit
I’m quitting my job as an IT project manager to live a more natural and mutualistic life, to reject the absurdity of modern success, and to quit helping the capitalists exploit the people.
Up till now, this life has been the picture of a successful middleclass career; My family and I are neither cold nor hungry. I make enough so that we can afford a modest rent-to-own house from a bank. I have power in my workplace to mete out tasks to others, and to define the way a job is done. And I have an employer-provided safety net so that if we suffer any non-minor medical problem, we will only be slightly ruined, and not properly ruined.
But, while I have real estate on the ground, I have neither real estate on the clock nor in the mind. I have influence over others, and yet we are all controlled by the company. While I am protected from great hypothetical health disasters, I slowly orchestrate very certain health calamities for myself and for those I assign tasks to by increased daily stress and sedentariness.
I do not like this life.
I have thought often of cutting this life short for the stress, boredom, and absurdity of it.
If I am to continue in this existence, I wish to spend what time I have doing things I find pleasing and valuable.
I do not value money nor power over others. The security I am offered in trade is at best thin, and more often a farce.
I value relationships with my family, my friends and community, and myself. I value creativity. I value time among the trees and other forest creatures. I value idleness. I value craftiness. I value revelry. I value mutually aiding others and sharing the good things I have. I value sharing the load of bad things we all must have too. I seriously value joy, silliness, and fun.
The “successful” life I have lived up until now has promised riches in the things I do not value (though it's a pauper’s prize), and has proven quite meager in the things I don’t.
This is why I am leaving my job.
Note: I do not want to gloss over my privilege. The system has been kinder to me than to most not in small part because I’m white and masc and have a couple bullshit degrees (industrial engineering and an MBA… basically the two MFers who wrecked the world). But the system needs dismantled, and I am refusing to continue to be a goon for the oligarchs. My wife will be rejoining the work-force to do vegetable farming (a non-bullshit job) which will pay a lot less. And I’ll be full-time parenting. It looks like us two adults will go without health insurance, but our kid will be insured (we’ll apply for state help and see what we can get). If anyone has recommendations on how to swing that, I’d be glad to hear it.