Just needed a vent. Hope that's okay.
CW: suicide and self harm mentions. Injuries and blood too.
I got a job at a grocery store deli. This grocery store is basically seen as a “great place to work” in my area. They really jerk themselves off about how great they are.
I was 19, in my first year of college after getting my GED after being home schooled. I took the job over summer. I was excited. It was my very first job. It started out okay. I told them that I was in college. Aced the interview. Hired within the day. When I started, it was so stressful. It was basically fast food but also a grocery store. I was shy and reserved.
In my first year there, I almost quit but didn't want my parents to be let down. My first manager gave me shit after I changed my availability, which I told her I was going to do when classes started again. She would constantly schedule me outside of my availability by one hour, making me unable to eat dinner before my classes since I chose mostly evening and night classes so I could work mornings. I worked 35 hours a week and almost failed all my classes.
My second manager started off better, but eventually he was changing my shifts (for example I would be scheduled 6am-2pm and he would change it to 6am-5pm before I came in) without telling me. No one got two days off. I was too busy to study and sleep and work. If I tried to take days off, my shifts would be made longer until I was working 6:30am-7:30pm).
Everyone always said I was one of the best people there. I had customers that would literally wait for me to wait on them. I had coworkers that loved to work with me. I always did my work on time or early. I was never late and barely called out.
But I am disabled. I have bipolar disorder. Sometimes I can hardly get out of bed. I started to cut myself because of this job. I would get negative points on my evaluation for being depressed or moody. They refused to give me work that would be okay with my depression. Dishes, production, cleaning, and stocking. They would praise me endlessly when I did these things, but if I wanted to do them because I was depressed and couldn't handle customers, they refused. When I was not in an episode, I did everything. I was fully trained. They even had me train new hires.
I had a manager tell me that if I handled stress so badly I should quit school. I had one tell me that “nobody cares if I'm bipolar”. My store manager said if I tried to leave the company and any place called to talk to her she would be honest and then “no one would want to hire me” and that other places would be worse. I would get gaslighted with “but you're so good” until “no one would ever tolerate you”.
When I got a nasty cut from a meat slicer, my manager wouldn't let me leave. He made me use gauze and bandaids which it was bleeding through. He then had me wrap it with the plastic wrap we use to wrap our meats with. It was never reported that I was injured.
I got burned and was told I didn't need to take time to report or bandage it because “burns can't get infected”.
When I got oven/grill cleaner in my eye, they told me to wait until tomorrow to report it so I could finish my closing shift because I would probably have to go to the hospital.
I ended up having to leave school because of this place. I literally wrote suicide notes and felt worthless. I never slept because of the stress of going back in. I had nightmares even. I once had a panic attack and a manager yelled at me and accused me of being on drugs. I would cry in my car for 30 minutes before I could drive home. I even fainted in my car driving home because of the stress.
My coworker got injured by cutting her finger and my manager tried to say it was MY fault because I was talking to her like 5 minutes before the cut. They also outwit scheduling her to close despite her being on light duty. Which they did not honor at all.
One of my coworkers was threatened by a customer because they misheard him say something (we all heard what he actually said) but she went home and told her husband. He came back to the store and told him he was going to kill my coworker. They wrote my coworker up for upsetting him instead of taking action.
Finally, in 2021, almost 8 years after I started, I had a full breakdown. I got a note from my doctor for disability leave. And then a return with limited work. I was not supposed to be with customers. I was supposed to work 5am-10am and only work in the back doing production. My managers did not allow this. They kept ignoring my note (signed by my psychiatrist and therapist) and putting me on the counter ALONE with everyone else in the back. I finally put in my notice. When it came time to go back, I just…. Didn't. So I quit without notice.
I was so emotionally wrecked I couldn't even go shopping. I couldn't go places alone because I was a danger to myself. I still have nightmares. My therapist said I have mild ptsd from the abuse.
I need to get another job. I've used almost all my savings. I'm literally terrified it'll be more of the same. Trying to get on disability but it's an uphill battle.
Don't put up with abuse from retail and food service. Don't try to stick it out because you think you're the problem.