Trying not to be long but just want to vent.
I’ve been working from the moment I turned 15. I pushed myself through 3 crappy retail jobs at a time in college, working 14 hour days in between a full class schedule. I graduated an entire year early to save money and enter the workforce faster.
I’ve had a few office jobs that have last a couple years at max. They always seem to fall apart due to crappy environments and me not being able to grin and bear it. I’m very emotional, working on it but I always end up getting frustrated at my job and not being able to hide it well.
I’ve taken retail jobs in between office jobs, taking close to minimum wage when I just needed to work. I was working at a grocery store when the pandemic started.
I ended up getting a WFH job and moved into my own place to be safe and limit my contact with others. That went well for a bit, but the company was a bit of a mess and I started to completely burn out and then give up. I was put on a PIP the week after I got out of the hospital. Despite consistently working on the points of the PIP and staying engaged with my boss and even (in my opinion) improving my work slightly, I was randomly fired one day. It was shocking. I probably should have seen it coming but I’ve never been fired before. I had no idea what to do. Right after I was fired my boyfriend drowned. I didn’t do much for awhile after that. An application every now and then.
I honestly feel traumatized by the job market right now. Working in such an “essential” position early pandemic was terrifying. The way we were treated and the way customers acted was insane.
I have been actively and intensely looking for any job, like any job at any pay for months. I’ve been rejected from everything. Including minimum wage grocery store positions. There was a part of me that seriously felt sick at the thought of working in a grocery store again, but I figured I had the experience to get some quick money while I keep looking. Rejected.
Applied for another remote office job, similar to other jobs I’ve done, and I was excited about this one. I knew how to do the work, I was qualified and I liked the company. Rejected. They at least gave me good feedback, that my application materials weren’t tailored enough to the specific position. Okay. But to be honest it wasn’t high paying or even a very tedious job from what I could see. It’s the kind of job where I would at least expect an interview to get a sense of me.
Maybe something has changed, but I’ve never had this much trouble finding a job. With crappier resumes and less experience than I have now, I would have had a multitude of successful interviews at this point. I see posts on here every day of “I quit my crappy job and that night I got hired at a new company for triple my old salary!” And it seems like all my friends have done similar moves – quitting for a high paying job that they find super fast. We aren’t in the same industries but I have equal experience level in my field. I’ve done a lot of reflecting, obviously something about me is turning employers off. Even before meeting me at all I’m getting rejected at the earliest stages.
I’m not sure at this point. I don’t even want to work but I can’t pay my rent next month. I can’t pay my bills. I’m freaking out and it gets more stressful every day. I am trying to put on my best capitalist worker performance but maybe they can just see through it?
I feel like such a failure. I know that my worth is not determined my productivity or my job but the constant rejection is getting to me. I’m young, I’m physically able, and I’m literally begging for a job. Where are all the jobs????