I am 27(F) who graduated with my Master's in Psychology last year. I was nervous but also really excited to enter the workforce to apply all the skills I learned in college. It took me about 6 months to find a job. It paid less than what I was expecting to be getting paid with my level of education, but I took it regardless because I needed to build up my experience. I thought since the position only required a Bachelor's, this would be easy for me. The first couple of months I was very enthusiastic, displayed my skills, and it appeared that my boss was impressed with my abilities. Then about 3 – 4 months in, I had a MAJOR depressive episode that lasted several months. I'm still recovering from it, but I'm much better than I was. I luckily work from home so no one really noticed, but I began some unhealthy habits … like instead of working, I would just lay on the couch and cry. I slowly began to do less and less, however, my job doesn't seem to notice. My boss says the work that I turn in is good, but I know that I'm not really learning and I'm not growing. This experience completely zapped me of all my motivation and enthusiasm for work. I began to doubt my abilities and self worth – thinking that its just a matter of time until I get let go. I was suicidal thinking thoughts that I'd rather die than work for the rest of my life. I still have these thoughts but luckily they aren't as intense as they were. And yes, I am now taking antidepressants and seeing a therapist to try and mitigate these thoughts/feelings.
The company has good benefits and appears to value their employees. My coworkers are also very friendly and patient. However, I hate the actual work that I do … I now know that this is NOT what I want to do but the really scary part is that I have NO IDEA what else to do. I also fear that whatever work I do choose down the line, I'm going to end up hating it as well – so I just feel absolutely stuck. I'm also now completely riddled with insecurities – fear I won't be capable. I've had imposter syndrome before, but this feels like a whole new monster. I fear I won't be successful in the corporate world (it's a scary place for me) and I actually fantasize about working as a grocery store cashier or something because at least I know I could do that well – perhaps I'd be less stressed. But I wonder if I would even be considered for an interview because I'm too overqualified. I know that I would also disappoint my Partner – he aspires me to be successful and would say how I'm overqualified for the position I'm in now and should be requesting raises/promotions. But I'm afraid to be promoted, to have more responsibilities in a job that I really don't like doing. I'm doing the absolutely bare minimum at work – answering emails and phone calls as they come in (which isn't a lot) and any specific tasks I'm assigned (which also isn't a lot). I know I should be spending the rest of the time building my skills, reading up on the industry I'm working in, etc. But instead, I'm searching for jobs that I don't really want, browsing reddit, or playing games to try and numb myself from the discomfort I feel on a daily basis. I know this isn't sustainable, but I'm having a really hard time doing anything productive when I don't know what skills to buff up because I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm running in circles and I don't know how to stop. I feel like a kid inside who doesn't know how to grow up – she's scared, vulnerable, and sensitive.
Has anyone else gone through a similar experience? If so, how did you navigate your way through it? How long did it take you to get out of this slump? What steps did you take to get out of the slump?
Thanks for reading!