Hey all. I have to go in for a meeting with the store manager in a couple of days, which I'm 100% sure means I am getting fired. I work for one of the largest, most well-respected grocery chains in the U.S., and my aunt is very high up in the company. She works with the owners on a daily basis. I asked her eight years ago when I got the job how she moved up from being a cashier to where she is now and she said, “You have to drink the kool-aid”. Reflecting on the past eight years I now realize more than I might have thought before taking this job that drinking the kool-aid is just not something I can pull off. My face gives me away.
But from the time I started with this company, I really tried to buy their bullshit. How they were the greatest company to work for. So many great stories. People headed nowhere in life and because of this company and their hard work now they're some big muckety muck blah blah blah. The mandatory fun, the group huddles…
But over time it started to sink in that they weren't any different from any other corporation.
I mean I should have known right away because they had us watch a 30-min long anti-union video during orientation…
But that was just the first in a long series of disappointments. So even though I knew I didn't fit in as well as the kook-aid drinkers, I figured if I just did my job as good or better than anyone else, there was nothing they could do about my non-koolaid drinking. I was wrong.
The company purports to treat its employees like family. And that is true, if you're talking about sweeping shit under the rug for the favorites, riding the outcasts, and just generally being dysfunctional — then they've got it spot on.
The first store I worked at I excelled at everything they threw at me. There was a degree of micromanagement, but it wasn't out of control. I worked at that store for a little over three years before transferring to a different store so I could pursue a woman I'd met online who is now my wife.
Upon arriving at the new store I was confronted by the fact that in this town, if you were new you had to prove yourself before being accepted and treated fairly by the stock of old 60+ year old people that had all been working together for a decade or two. No consideration for how things were done differently at your old store. No being welcomed and given opportunities to assimilate.
Plus the management at this store was much more about micromanaging, about passive aggressiveness, leaving snide printouts at your work station, nit-picking, petty horseshit like if you had the right amount of buttons buttoned on your shirt. It became clear to me that the years of experience I had on the job before arriving at this new store did not matter in the least. The quality of my work meant nothing. My ability to get the work done faster than anyone else meant nothing. I knew four years ago that my days there were likely numbered. But again, I held to this idea of “no matter how badly they might want to get rid of me, if I never make a mistake there's nothing they can do”.
But I was wrong. Whereas at my old store I had the same work ethic, the same attitude, and the same everything I had never had anything documented in my file. No writeups of any kind. Not even documented conversations. But in my first two years there suddenly I had ten documented conversations. Then a new manager took over. In the nearly two years since then, I've had an additional 20 conversations documented, and one actual write-up.
It was clear to me that they were really, really trying to get me to quit. But I wasn't going to do that. I wanted to leave on my own terms.
I have been put through HELL at this company. Being made to feel that I was being watched all day every day. Literally my EVERY MOVEMENT. Second-guessing myself. Being sick on the drive to work every single morning… Being told that I need to organize my workflow around all of my other co-workers but none of my needs or desires are ever taken into consideration if it means changing anyone ELSE's workflow — even to something much more efficient.
My health has severely declined. It's like I'm literally falling apart. I have pain in all of my joints. I walk around like Frankenstein after work. The job itself is not physically demanding, but when you feel like you're in fight-or-flight mode all day at work your body doesn't heal itself properly.
For the first time in my life I had to start taking medication for anxiety.
I have never dealt with so much prolonged stress for so long I don't know how I did it. So I suppose in a sense this is a good thing. Even though now I'll have to find another job after eight goddamn years. In my late 40s…
I really want to write a book about this place. I've got a whole lot of things I could say that would really damage their reputation. But I'm torn because they do employ tens of thousands of people.
Anyway, I have to meet with the store manager in a few days, for what is likely to be a long list of reasons why they're firing me. They know and I know that it's bullshit, and it's only because I refused to drink the kool-aid. I refused to behave as if I was in a wonderful place full of wonderful opportunities and that everyone was happy and wonderful. Pfff… If the customers knew what goes on behind the scenes at this place.
I worked through the whole pandemic. Wearing a mask, sweat pouring off my face. Then a few months ago they took my fan away saying it might blow dust around and onto food.
So two years of that shit, wiping my groceries off before bringing them into my home because my wife is on medication that lowers her immune system. Being micromanaged the entire time. Having everything I do questioned. Not being listened to about anything. None of my ideas or my expertise valued. Treated as if I am untrustworthy.
And now? Being fired for a simple mistake that everyone has made multiple times, whether they realize it or not? It really underscores how they don't give a shit about my quality as a worker that they'd use THIS to fire me. It also shows how fucking replaceable and expendable we all are. All that time training someone, and all their years of experience and wisdom — means nothing if they won't pucker up and smile. And it shows that yes, they CAN fire you even if you try to be perfect all the time.
So I really don't know what to say to the store manager. Go fuck yourself comes to mind. It's your fault 90% of the employees at this store are absolutely MISERABLE. Your leadership style filters down..
So anyway. I guess I should start looking for another job. Just figured I'd ask and see if anyone has any bright ideas about what I should say in what is likely to be my last meeting, and my last time ever setting foot in one of these fucking stores. Just seeing the sign will probably make me throw up in my mouth a little…