Just mistakenly got excited and hopeful for another job and a fresh start with what i thought was a good opportunity for a big outfit who a friend of mine works for and the guy kept talking to my buddy sayin he needed help and couldn’t find good help blah blah .. Well friend called me and me and him spoke on it for nearly three weeks back and forth tryin to get it lined up on the money and details but mostly i kept procrastinating it due to the location . So it’s roughly 3 hours from home and i kept debating it in my head tryin to see if i could justify leaving my home alone all week long and the extra expenditures to get there and sustain .. all that stuff .I live alone as well and have no one to check on my place or do anything there especially when winter comes . But anyways i finally said u know what fuck it im gonna take the burden and figure it out to give this a shot . Tryin to be very hopeful and look at it positively .. Get told iam making 25$ an hour cash and the whole rundown is agreed. So work my fucking ass off all week busting out metal and wood frame apartments .. Everythting went well and i put in 11.5 hour days for 5 days . Get handed an envelope friday that says 32=462 or some shit and i immediately pulled my calculator out to see it was 15$ an hour they paid me . I pulled the guy above me aside and let him know the arrangements and that was not what was promised to me on pay . Told him man am not tryin to be a prick but i can’t justify this drive and sustain for no 15$ an hour . He plays some blame game he didn’t know bullshit and says he will speak to owner on it but refused to make it happen telling me some shit to defuse the situation iam sure . I walked the fuck off and finally hitched a ride back home just disgusted that i had lost probably a grand time it was all added up the expenditures and pay scalpe lie . I have been depressed as fuck and just totally deflated and let down since then . Another fucking joke piece of shit employer who don’t give two fucks for anyone but their self and their bank account. Hope i love to see the day this whole established capitalism system of greed and exploitation burns to the fucking ground . And every one of there’s greedy hypocrites and hypocrite religious zealots all reap what the fuck they sewed. This group isn’t enough and we need to be combining with the other like minded groups or anything even close cuz at the end of the fucking day we all pay while the few play . And guppies keep zooming in on gun rights , abortion , conflicts across the world , rigged gas prices and economic fear or environmental fear or health fear or financial fear or racial fear or fear from these bitch ass cops ON AND FUCKING ON . The distractions will never end until we tune them out in order to move them out and make the changes for humanity as a whole . That’s a broad rant filled statement i get that . At the moment idgaf.. ANOTHER BLACK KID JUST ABSOLUTELY MASSACRED AND TREATED LIKE THEIR THROW AWAY TARGET TRASH CAN . He was someone’s child man and not doing a fucking thing to deserve what -90 FUCKING SHOTS ?? Being shredded by 60 bullets and then handcuffed his corpse ? Naw man this shits gone the fuck on too long . I wish the good people of every color would just stop our fucking bullshit distracted internal battles that are all constructed propaganda to keep us weak and helpless .
This turned into a rant and an outlet for my mind to just slam text this shit out as fast as possible with no care for spelling or punctuation. I suck at them anyways but just needed to get it out guys and girls .
just a life of letdowns and broken promises! Cheating and lies and abuse from the ones that i loved and looked up too or trusted .. Ever since i was 6 years old i feel i’ve just hid under my bedroom covers in fear as a child now i just hide alone in my trailer and question everything and everyone . Made me into an untrusting , dark self hating mental mess who just doesn’t wanna be in the world no more . Unfortunately i have to admit this and the fact that i need to prioritize getting back to the right place to get right help to get up off my depressed anxiety riddled ass to try and fix my mental health . Can’t afford any of it but i feel very strongly helpless and hopeless and i know the alternative i lean to isn’t the right one .
For anyone who reads and or chimes in .. thanks i guess i dunno i’ll probably delete it in a day or two cuz my fearful overthinking anxiety and paranoia will flush me with an overwhelming amount of embarrassment that i even said all this on a reddit post .