Hello, I am a 25 year old (they/them) and I started my first big corporate job this past January. I work in advertising and deal with really large companies.
I have no background in digital advertising. I only got the job because I was recruited and decided to try it out.
It been three months, and while I have always suffered from poor mental health, right now it feels like I am in hell. I am sitting at my desk now crying because I have so many things to do and no time. I have stayed late and worked through my lunches all week and I am still behind.
My boss got a promotion and isn't around as much. I work alone and have to manage three clients and I don't fucking know what I am doing.
I also have PTSD and my memory is shot more than I thought it was, because there are so many little things to remember and I just can't and then get in trouble for not remembering.
I am trying my hardest but it feels like it's never good enough.
My boss doesn't respect my pronouns eventhough she was aware I was nonbinary when she hired me but now she says she prefers not to use them.
I feel stupid and like my efforts are never good enough or only get rewarded with more work.
My previous jab was a startup where I got paid shit, had to work nearly everyday, and once had a lamp catch fire because the boss there thought it was a good idea to just shove the bare wires into the outlet after the plug broke. And I liked that place way more and I didn't even like it that much.
TW: self-injury, unaliving
I started cutting again at this job and I was clean for over 6 YEARS. 6 YEARS WASTED because I can't deal with the stress any other way.
I pretty much constantly dream about un-aliving myself while at work because I can't see a way out.
I want to quit but the team is small so I would be hurting others and I don't want them to have more work.
I also might get my work reputation shat on.
I just…I hate it here and I don't know how to leave.
I don't want to be here anymore. I don't know who to contact or how, I don't know if I can even leave. I signed a contract but it was all a big rush so I didn't read it properly because they needed the answer and I needed a job because I had less than 50 bucks to my name.
I just want to enjoy living again and right now all I wanna do is die
Help.